Marriage and Happiness: What the Latest Research Shows with Brad Wilcox Episode 311

 Marriage and Happiness: What the Latest Research Shows

Let’s talk marriage and happiness! We are on our second and last show of the mini-series that I’m calling “Society Check-In.” It’s a check-in to find out what is going on in culture. What we need to know and how we need to educate ourselves so we can lead effectively in our work, the world, with our families, and with the people in the community.

This post is going to be so fascinating! You’re going to want to share it over and over again. I have Brad Wilcox with me, and we are exploring what the research says about marriage and happiness.

Brad Wilcox is the director of the National Marriage Project and a senior fellow of the Institute for Family Studies. He has been featured in the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Atlantic, the Wall Street Journal, Christianity Today, and National Review.

Brad’s new book, Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization, explains why so many of our nation’s crises have their roots in the anti-family messages and policies coming out of Hollywood, Washington, the media, academia, and corporate America.

Let’s dive into marriage and happiness.

What Types of People Are the Happiest

Right off the bat, Brad discusses the research he conducted while writing his book regarding what types of people are the happiest. The research showed that college-educated Americans, religious Americans, and conservative Americans. Those three groups are more likely to report that they’re happy with their lives. And that, of course, brings us back to marriage. Which is the complete opposite of what we see in popular culture or Hollywood. So, part of the challenge is recognizing what you see on TV and what’s going on in Washington, D.C., is not a true representation of what’s happening in the broader culture

Four Groups That Are Forging Strong Marriage and Happiness

Studies showed that there are four groups today that are either more likely to be happily married or stably married, and those are Asian Americans, religious Americans, college-educated Americans, and conservative Americans. 

These four groups are most likely to have the three C’s that are crucial for a successful marriage – which Brad explains are: 

• Communion – keeping the sparks alive romantically, so having regular date nights. 
• Commitment – recognizing that your marriage matters for you and your children. 
• Community—If you surround yourself with people who are intentional about their marriage and who are good parents, you’re more likely to be a good spouse and a good parent.

The Family First Model

Brad says the family-first model contrasts the soulmate model because the family-first model tells us that marriage is about more than a feeling. Yes, romance is important, but it’s also about being there for your spouse, your children, and your kin. Recognizing that if you are living for others, you’re going to be better financially over the course of your life. And you’re going to be relatively happier because we are hardwired to connect. 

Teaching Our Kids the Success Sequence

The success sequence tells young adults, like in middle school and high school, that there are three steps to kind of realizing the American dream today. One is getting at least a high school degree. Two is working full time in your 20s. And three, getting married before having any kids. For young adults to do those three things, who get that high school degree, who are working, and who get married, their odds of being poor as they head into their late 20s and 30s are just 3%. Their odds of being in the middle class or higher are 86%!

So, there is a distinct correlation between marriage and happiness.

Coaching This Week – How to Make Progress  (Audio 23:47)

Today’s all about how to make progress. Now, it can be making progress in anything that you want. First off, I want you to think about something that you want to do. This could be something big, something small, something that you want to begin with, or just something that you want to make progress with. I want you to ask yourself, what’s one tiny action that you can decide that you’re going to tackle right now, today? Take a minute to think about it.

Because even the smallest step forward can lead to big changes down the road, we often find ourselves waiting for the perfect moment when we have all the information that we need to make a decision. In reality, waiting for complete clarity is just an excuse to avoid doing something that makes us feel uncomfortable.

So I want you to ask yourself, who is someone I could reach out to with a quick call or an email? Just to get some information, get some insights, and help you move closer to the information that you need to take action to move closer to that goal. Sometimes, it takes an email.

Now, the next step is diving deeper into understanding why you weren’t taking action. After that, the next step is to dive deeper into understanding what not taking action is costing you. And you might say, well, it’s not costing me anything. I’m not doing anything, but everything has a cost.

It’s really important to fully understand this because the price of staying in your current situation might be higher than you realize. 

An Example From My Life 

I’ll give you an example from my life. Years ago, when I was building my business, a mentor said, why aren’t you taking action on this thing I wanted to do? It’s part of my business. I made all the excuses. I’m not quite sure how, I don’t have the time, what if it doesn’t work? She said, do you know how much you would like to make by doing this? I said, yeah, it was the amount for us to go on a family vacation every year. So she said it’s actually costing you that much money not to do this.

That is a great way of looking at it! She said you’re just losing that amount of money every year. So, I want you to really understand what the cost that you are already paying actually is and let that be a motivation to help you make change and take action. Now, as an action step today, I want you to commit to reaching out to one person who can provide you with information or insight. It could be a mentor, a colleague, a coach, or a friend who has a bunch of knowledge in the area that you’re curious about. But don’t let lack of information and lack of knowledge keep you stuck.

Make Progress

I want you to draft that email or plan a call with them today. Set a deadline for yourself to do this within the next 24 hours at most! Just make sure you do it. I want you to schedule an appointment on your calendar to make sure you actually get it done. This commitment, even though it’s small, is a concrete step toward breaking the cycle of being stuck and starting the momentum that you need to reach your goal. This is how you do it. 

You find out what it’s costing you, find out what you’re missing out on now, and you let that drive you. And you just take a little step to gather some information. Because as the Lord nudges us in certain directions and kind of gives us a vision or gives us a desire in our heart to achieve something, the more we take steps in that direction, the more He will give us insight. He will bring people to us and the people that He brings to us. will invest in us. And sometimes that investment is just a quick 10-minute conversation where you go, oh, that’s all it is, I get it. So don’t let yourself stay stuck because you don’t know. Plan to have a phone call, send an email, and find out the information that you’re looking for! 

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Favorite Quotes: 

“There are four groups today, Asian Americans, religious Americans, college-educated Americans, and conservative Americans who are more likely to be married today and either more likely to be happily married or stably married.”

(Audio 9:27)

“For most couples, especially those with kids, having a reliable breadwinner in the picture is key.”

(Audio 10:18)

“Serving others and being there for others actually makes us happier.”

(Audio 15:26)

“In general, we see that both men and women who are married parents are the happiest Americans today and that is because our kids bring us not just stress and drama but also a lot of meaning and joy.”

(Audio 16:57)

“For young adults who do those three things, get a high school degree, are working, and get married their odds of being poor as they head into their late 20s and 30s are just 3 and their odds of being in the middle class or higher are 86%.”

(Audio 18:25) 

“Couples that are embedded in a church community or some kind of synagogue or temple are more likely to avoid divorce because they are surrounded by people who tend to prioritize marriage and family.”

(Audio 22:04)

Links to Great Things We Discussed:

• Institute for Family Studies
• Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization
• Family / Best Is Yet to Come – Judah & the Lion
• The Power of Commitment
• Measuring Spoons
• 3-Day Course Idea Breakthrough
• Alli on YouTube
• Standing Strong
• Remaining You While Raising Them

Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here.

Hope you loved this episode!  Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! 🙂

xo,

Alli