Moms’ Guide to Positive Self-Talk: 11 Strategies to Defeat Negativity

Motherhood is an incredible journey filled with joy, love, and countless rewards. However, it can also bring about moments of self-doubt, guilt, and negative self-talk. As moms, we often put immense pressure on ourselves to be perfect, to do it all, and to meet unrealistic expectations. Negative self-talk can easily overwhelm us. 

But it’s important to remember that God has a beautiful plan for our children. It’s a plan we cannot thwart, even if we mess up in the day-to-day. It’s okay to have flaws and make mistakes. We have the power to end the downward spiral of negativity. Together, we will explore eleven effective strategies to help moms stop negative self-talk, boost their self-esteem, and cultivate a more positive mindset.

1. Recognize the Power of Words

Words have the power to shape our thoughts, emotions, and actions. As moms, we must become aware of our inner dialogue and how it impacts our self-perception. Negative self-talk can be destructive, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. 

In order to challenge your negative thinking patterns, you have to pay attention to the thoughts that fill your mind throughout the day. Challenge those negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. 

It isn’t about just choosing to be happy but about thinking more productively. Recognize what you can do to make things better and turn that negative thought into a more productive one. Remind yourself that you are doing your best, and that is more than enough. 

2. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s crucial for moms to practice self-compassion, offering themselves the same kindness and understanding they would extend to a friend. Treat yourself with love and respect, just as you would treat your child. As we mother our children, we need to mother ourselves too. 

Acknowledge that it’s okay to have limitations, to make mistakes, and to take breaks. We are called to love ourselves. Embrace self-care activities that nurture your mind, body, and soul, whether it’s taking a bubble bath, reading a book, or going for a walk. Good moms can put their families first by putting themselves first. 

3. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

The people we surround ourselves with greatly impact our mindset and self-talk. Seek out supportive and encouraging friends who uplift and inspire you. Investing in healthy friendships is also an investment in yourself and your family. Connect with other moms who understand the challenges you face and can offer guidance and empathy.

Limit exposure to negative influences, such as social media accounts that breed comparison and feelings of inadequacy. Fill your feed with uplifting and motivational content that helps you celebrate your unique journey. Our children make life meaningful, but friends make life happier.

4. Challenge Unrealistic Expectations

Society bombards moms with unrealistic expectations of what a “perfect” mother should be like. It’s crucial to challenge these expectations and redefine what success means to you. 

Your self-talk has a dramatic influence on your level of success in every aspect of your life – confidence, health, happiness, wealth, and relationships. 

Negative self-talk is the reason why moms feel so much guilt. Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood, and you have the power to create your own definition of success. Embrace imperfections and focus on the moments of joy and connection with your child, rather than striving for an unattainable ideal. We don’t have to do everything all at once; we can make small changes that change our lives over time. 

5. Celebrate Achievements, Big and Small

Moms often overlook their accomplishments, big and small, in the chaos of daily life. Take the time to celebrate your achievements, whether it’s successfully managing a busy household, helping your child achieve a milestone, or simply getting through a challenging day.

Create a journal to record moments of joy, progress, and personal growth. Take a few moments in your day to write down what you’re thankful for. It can help you set the intention for the day and remind you of all the wonderful things in your life. How you see yourself directly affects your behavior. Reflecting on your achievements will help shift your focus from self-criticism to self-appreciation.

6. Set Realistic Goals

Setting realistic goals is key to combating negative self-talk. When we set unrealistic goals, we create the perfect breeding ground for negativity and feelings of failure. Break down large tasks into manageable steps, allowing yourself to experience a sense of accomplishment along the way.   

Be mindful of your own limitations and prioritize self-care. When you set goals, also choose how you will reward yourself when you achieve those goals. Rewards don’t have to cost a lot of money or take a lot of time. They should be just as realistic as the goal itself. You can find some great ideas for healthy rewards here.

I had a wonderful conversation with my friend, Mark Batterson, about the power of small daily habits and how they help us to achieve our goals. You can listen to that conversation here.

Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish but rather essential for your own well-being and ability to care for others.

7. Embrace Imperfection

Perfection is an illusion, and striving for it will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Embrace imperfection as a part of the beautiful and messy journey of motherhood. Let go of the need for control and accept that mistakes happen. 

Learn from your perceived mistakes, grow, and move forward with newfound wisdom. Good enough and covered in grace can be perfect. Remember, it’s the love, care, and presence you provide that truly matter, not the pursuit of perfection.

8. Reframe the Situation 

Change the way you look at a situation by attempting to find the silver lining in it. Instead of focusing on the bad, try to think of ways it could be seen as a learning experience or an opportunity for growth. 

For example, instead of beating yourself up for not being able to keep up with the jungle of toys strewn around the house, look at it as evidence that your home is filled with the joy of playtime.

It can be especially difficult to keep negative self-talk at bay when life gets really difficult. I compiled a list of 15 Ways to Keep a Positive Mindset in a Crisis to help you during especially challenging times.

9. Practice Gratitude  

Write down three things each day that you are grateful for, and remember that your life is full of blessings — even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

In her book, One Thousand Gifts, author Ann Voskamp shares the amazing benefits of practicing gratitude. The habit of keeping a gratitude list can help you:

• Have a relative absence of stress and depression (Woods et al., 2008)
• Make progress towards important personal goals (Emmons and McCullough, 2003)
• Have higher levels of determination and energy (Emmons and McCullough, 2003)
• Feel closer in your relationships and have the desire to build stronger bonds (Algoe and Haidt, 2009)

Counting gifts trains us to focus on the positive. When we fill our minds with thoughts of thanksgiving, there will be no room for negative self-talk.

10. Learn to Forgive

One important aspect of personal growth is learning to forgive, both ourselves and others. By acknowledging our own mistakes and granting ourselves forgiveness, we can effectively break the cycle of negative self-talk that often holds us back. This act of self-compassion allows us to cultivate a more positive mindset and fosters a healthier sense of self. Embracing forgiveness is a powerful tool on the path toward personal transformation and overall well-being.

Moms can be more critical of themselves than anyone in their life will ever be of them. We place unrealistic expectations on ourselves that we were never meant to carry. But there is good news. Jesus paid the ultimate price so that we can live free and forgiven. Did you hear that? We are free and forgiven! The mistakes we’ve already made as moms and the mistakes we have yet to make have all been declared not guilty.

Yet, this truth can be difficult to remember in the moment. Here are 7 Forgiveness Prayers for Motherhood When You Need Them Quick. 

11. Get Professional Help 

I am a huge proponent of counseling and therapy, having seen the positive impact it has made in my own life. If you find that negative self-talk is significantly impacting your life and well-being, it may be beneficial to seek assistance from a qualified therapist or counselor. Sometimes, the root of our negative self-talk comes from a place of deep hurt or trauma that we are unable to identify and heal on our own. 

These professionals specialize in providing guidance and support to help individuals overcome negative thinking patterns and develop healthier self-talk habits. By working with a counselor or therapist, you can gain valuable insights and tools to navigate through challenging times and cultivate a more positive mindset. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength and a proactive step toward improving your mental and emotional well-being.

The Mayo Clinic has put together an excellent resource for finding the right mental health provider for you.

Negative self-talk can be a challenging habit to break, but by implementing these strategies, moms can empower themselves to cultivate a positive mindset and embrace their own unique journey. You are doing a wonderful job already. 

Remember, you are an amazing mom, capable of incredible love and care. Embrace self-compassion, celebrate your achievements, and surround yourself with positive influences. By doing so, you will create a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling motherhood experience. You’ve got this!