The Toxicity of Luxury Beliefs with Rob Henderson. Episode 310

The Toxicity of Luxury Beliefs 

Welcome back, friend! I am so thrilled with this post. We have a quick mini-series of two posts that I’m calling “Society Check-In,” where we will learn from some experts and researchers and check on what we need to know about trends in society right now.  We’ll talk about what’s going on out there, what we need to know, and what we need to do. 

I am honored to talk to Rob Henderson for this series. As soon as I saw he had a book launching, I was so excited to reach out and beg him to join the show.  He brings such a unique perspective to society and what’s going on right now, trend-wise with the culture. He’s coined the phrase luxury beliefs that you’ll hear about today and will hear in broader culture soon. It’s a game changer in terms of societal messaging, and it’s important for parents to understand it. 

Rob Henderson served in the US Air Force and received a BS from Yale and a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Cambridge.  In addition to his popular Substack newsletter, Rob’s writing has appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the Boston Globe, among other outlets.

In his debut book, Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class, Rob vividly recounts growing up in foster care, enlisting in the US Air Force, attending elite universities, and pioneering the concept of “luxury beliefs”—ideas and opinions that confer status on the upper class while inflicting costs on the less fortunate.

Let’s dive in. 

What Are Luxury Beliefs 

Rob defines luxury beliefs as ideas and opinions that confer status on the upper class while inflicting costs on the lower class. A core feature of a luxury belief is that the believer is sheltered from the consequences of his or her beliefs. 

He states there are different sociological frameworks, theories, and empirical findings in psychology that he describes in this book, but the short version is that the elites have always strived for recognition and distinction in ways to separate themselves from the masses. And historically, it’s been through luxury goods. 

How Luxury Beliefs Affect Our Society

Since luxury beliefs are ideas and opinions that come from the elite or upper class, those ideas won’t actually affect them. It’s the lower society that is affected by luxury beliefs. Some ideas may sound great in theory, but when actually put into practice, it doesn’t turn out the way it was thought, and it can hurt the lower-class 

Recommendation for Working Through Luxury Beliefs

If you have a child who is getting ready to go to college and might be introduced to luxury beliefs by professors or other students, I asked Rob what recommendations he has. And he said, it always depends on the circumstances, but he suggest that the kid get a service job or a job where they are working on their feet because those are the jobs where they will be interacting with people, the working-class people. Rob says they will be sort of less susceptible to luxury beliefs, which are primarily promoted and cultivated by people who haven’t had those kinds of jobs and haven’t been around ordinary people.

Coaching This Week: Creating Vs. Allowing (24:59)

This was inspired by a tweet from the famous Dr. Henry Cloud, author of many books. It said, “In my experience, two words can change everything, create and allow. Most times, whatever state I’m in, I’m either creating it or allowing it to exist. If you look at the ways that we either create or allow a lot of misery and missed opportunities, the road back begins with one step – ownership. When you stop perceiving yourself as a victim who has no control over your time and energy, when you begin to own it, you have begun to get in charge.” 

I love that. It’s a quick reframe: creating versus allowing. Think about it. In most situations, we’re either crafting our reality or letting things happen to us. And you know what? When we dive deep into how we’re actively creating reality, or we’re feeling like victims with no self-efficacy to change things, it all starts to click. The journey back to reclaiming our power kicks off with grabbing the reins of responsibility.

No To Victim Mentality

Let’s ditch the whole, I’m just a bystander in my own life mindset. That’s victim mentality thinking right there. One thing that I hope I’ve taught my boys really well is never to fall prey to the victim mentality. It is something that if you view yourself as a victim in life, you will be. You won’t advocate for yourself. You won’t make sure that you’re living the life that God has for you because you just go; there’s nothing I can do about it.

But the moment you start saying, I’ve got this; I’m the boss of my own time and energy, that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you truly start steering your own ship. And if you’re thinking, but wait, God is steering my ship. Yes, I know, and I know you know that by now. When I’m speaking to you, it’s a given. But sometimes, we lean too hard into the thought that if God wants it to be, it will be, and we don’t lift a finger, and we feel like we’re a victim of our circumstances.

What Are You Creating Vs. Allowing? 

When you create rather than allowing things to happen in life, you’re partnering with God. I wrote a whole book about it, Standing Strong. If you go to the Standing Strong part of my website, you can read four chapters for free. I wanna bless you with that. But remember this: one thing you can do to remember to think in terms of creating versus allowing things to just happen is just put it on a Post-It note. What am I creating, and what am I allowing in my life? 

That will remind you and bring you back to this frame of reference. Because, like Dr. Cloud said, when you stop thinking of yourself as a victim, that life is happening to you, and start acting like you own it, and you’re responsible for it, that’s where the magic happens. You can do this. I guarantee you’re not a victim. You’ve got God inside of you. He will take good care of you, but you gotta step out!

Listen or Watch now: iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher, Spotify and YouTube.

Favorite Quotes: 

“Luxury beliefs are ideas and opinions that confer status on the upper class while inflicting costs on the lower classes. A core feature of a luxury belief is that the believer is sheltered from the consequences of his or her beliefs.”

(Audio 9:13)

“The vast majority of Americans in general regardless of income were very much opposed to defund policies but the elites in many cities were in favor of it and as a result, there were defund policies in many cities in the country. Homicide rates increased and violent crime rates increased, and the targets were primarily poor people.”

(Audio 13:39) 

“Compared to a middle-class American, Americans in the lowest income category are 7 times more likely to be victims of robbery and aggravated assault, 20 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault, and far more likely to be victims of homicide.”

(Audio 14:03)

Links to Great Things We Discussed:

• Rob Henderson X
• Rob Henderson Substack
• Rob Henderson Instagram
• Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class
• Mad Men
• The Sopranos
• Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the Science of Affection
• Book Stand
• ChatGPT
• 3-Day Course Idea Breakthrough
• Alli on YouTube
• Standing Strong
• Remaining You While Raising Them

Hope you loved this episode!  Be sure to subscribe on iTunes and slap some stars on a review! 🙂

xo,

Alli