Tired of Being Tired: Finding Rest in a Busy World with Jess Connolly Episode 313

Tired of Being Tired: Finding Rest in a Busy World

Today, we are talking about being tired of being tired with Jess Connolly. Jess Connolly is the author or coauthor of several books. She and her husband, Nick, planted Bright City Church in Charleston, South Carolina, where they live with their four children. Jess is a woman who wants to leave her generation more in awe of God than she found it. 

In her new book, Tired of Being Tired: Receive God’s Realistic Rest for Your Soul-Deep Exhaustion, Jess offers practical wisdom to guide women into a lifestyle of sustainable rest. So, let’s jump in! 

First, Jess shares the backstory of why she wrote the book in the first place. She says she had read books on rest, took a Sabbath every week, and went to rest retreats, but in 2022, she experienced a meltdown that had been building for about two decades. It started to manifest physically first. She stopped being able to sleep. Insomnia then led to anxiety, and that turned into panic attacks, and then her body just started breaking down even during the day. She says what was happening was that she needed some more realistic daily rhythms of rest in her life and to clear up some misunderstandings about her purpose on earth and what her fatigue really meant about her identity and who she is.

Why Are We So Tired? 

I asked Jess what she learned from research for her book and why women are so tired. She said the first thing she learned was that what many of us believe about rest fundamentally is not aligned with the kingdom of God. So fundamentally, what we believe and how we live our lives is that we have to earn rest. We believe rest is lazy and strong if we continually push past our own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual boundaries and borders. And we believe that when we rest, we’re not loving others. We believe all kinds of broken things about our fatigue, so our beliefs really have to change first.

The second thing she says she learned was actually about herself. She said she knew a lot of the truth and had access to a lot of the wisdom, but she just wasn’t taking it up. Jess was making a million tiny exceptions for things she knew would be wise. For example, she would know she needed a day off, but someone was having a crisis. Or she knew she needed to turn off her phone, but she’s waiting for an email, things like that were leading her to live exhausted by also accepting the defeat that it had to be this way. She learned that a lot of us think untrue things about rest and fatigue, and what we do know what is in alignment with kingdom truth; we just don’t actually activate in our lives.

We Don’t Need Permission To Rest

Jess shares that as she’s doing interviews for this book, the question that keeps coming up is, “How can we give women permission to rest?” She says the problem with this question is that its premise is fundamentally wrong. We actually don’t need permission to rest, we have an invitation to rest. We all know that during creation, God rested, but Jess shares that even before that, something widely impactful happened. 

In Genesis 1 verse 5, where He says, and then there was evening, and there was morning the first day. So, right here, it is in the foundation of the earth God establishes, not that we work, or live, or push, and then rest. But we rest, and then we work. We sleep, and then we live. That’s the day. There’s no permission needed. There’s nothing to earn. Before we ever go, do, live, love, and serve, we rest. 

Small Shifts for Sustainable Rest 

Jess shares small daily shifts she did to help with her physical, mental, and emotional fatigue:

• Stretching 
• Making a to-do list at the end of her workday
• Writing a prayer of release 
• Stop working on Saturday – so no traveling on Fridays and Saturdays
• Be in God’s word
• Listening to podcasts about health, wellness, and rest

I love that Jess says the little things she could do daily made her brave and courageous enough to make some of the bigger changes.

Coaching This Week: What is Self-Awareness & Why You Should Care About It 

Many people talk about goals and setting up new rhythms in life. But here’s the scoop: Many forget the vital first step in goal setting: self-awareness. It’s important to be aware of how tired we are and what’s happening before we hit a brick wall.

Without self-awareness, we risk chasing goals that don’t match our real priorities or our authentic selves, or we hit the proverbial wall. Self-awareness isn’t something that you can tackle in a day. Like anything, we need to learn how to do it initially. It takes time to develop. We start by paying attention to three things: 

• Our Bodies
• Thoughts
• Emotions. 

By observing what’s going on within us, not evaluating or jumping into fixing it, but just observing, we can learn about ourselves. For example, when your chest feels tight, that’s your body trying to tell you something. Maybe you just visited your parents and notice you feel irritable and snappy afterward. That’s your mind and your emotions talking to you. 

For years, when I would get upset, my stomach would get upset. And for years, my stomach was torn up over it because that’s where I was kind of putting my feelings, and my body was yelling at me about it. The key here is to resist the urge to judge your own body, thoughts, or emotions. I want you to treat everything you observe as valuable information, even if it’s hard to sit with.

Challenge For This Week 

I want you to keep a note on your phone or in your planner, and I want you to focus on one feeling, like worry, for example. So, you’ll open your note or get out your planner twice daily at lunch and bedtime. And jot down what triggered worry for you that day. It doesn’t have to be worry. It can be another type of feeling that you’re feeling a lot.

And after a few days of taking notes, it will help you see a pattern. You won’t have just to declare that you won’t worry anymore and hope it’ll be true or pray some verses over yourself and hope that it’s magically taken away. Side note: very rarely works. You’ll be able to understand what sets you off and create a plan to overcome it. That sounds like a really powerful and positive way to move forward and that’ll help you move through your struggles towards success.

Self-awareness is really the key because until we connect with what’s going on in our minds and bodies, we’ll not be able to figure out how to take care of ourselves in the way that we need.

Listen or Watch now:

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Favorite Quotes: 

“I don’t know many women in varying life stages who aren’t tired. If they have small kids they are tired, if they are empty nesters they are tired, if they are in a season of building their career they are tired. The college girls I know are tired. There is a collective issue.” 

(8:55 Audio) 

“We believe all kinds of broken things about our fatigue and so our beliefs really have to change first.”

(10:48 Audio) 

“Rest is also a commandment. In the actual commandments He has given us this commandment to rest our bodies not because He wants it from us, not because He wants us to perform, but because He loves us and wants it for us.”

(14:29 Audio)

“We always gravitate towards the big sweeping changes but I would massively encourage people to start with the small stuff and it gives you the bravery for the big stuff.”

(20:40 Audio)

Links To Great Things We Discussed: 

• Jess Connolly Website
• Jess Connolly Instagram
• Tired of Being Tired: Receive God’s Realistic Rest for Your Soul-Deep Exhaustion
• Shake it Out – Florence + The Machine
• The West Wing
• The Book of Waking Up: Experiencing the Divine Love That Reorders a Life
• Moon Dew Firming Eye Cream
• Wow Dream Coat Supernatural Spray Anti-Frizz Treatment
• Burt’s Bees Tips and Toes Gifts Set
• Create a Course
• Alli on YouTube
• Remaining You While Raising Them

Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here.

Hope you loved this episode!  Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! 🙂

xo,

Alli