15 Tips for Enneagram Type 4 Moms

The battle cry of the Enneagram Type 4 Mom is, “No phonies welcome here!” The Enneagram Type 4 is known as The Individualist. Authenticity is a value they revere above all: for themselves and others. Yet, creativity and curiosity drive them, making Enneagram Type 4 Moms a group unlike any other.

One study by Truity suggests Enneagram Type 4s comprise approximately 11% of the population. While there’s no real consensus on the percentages of each Enneagram type, many lists of famous Enneagram Type 4s include Edgar Allen Poe, J.D. Salinger, and Tim Burton.

Keep reading to learn more about what an Enneagram Type 4 looks like in action and where their strengths lie. Understanding her individualistic tendencies can help guide her to gain greater wisdom in relationships and parenting.

As a mom, understanding your own personality type can be incredibly helpful in connecting with your children. By knowing your strengths and weaknesses, you can better understand why you may react in certain ways and work on improving areas that might be lacking in your life.

Celebrating Strengths

The Enneagram Type 4 knows all the feelings. They have a deep connection with their own emotions and are highly empathetic. Are you struggling with grief or loss? Your Enneagram Type 4 friend is the one you want by your side. They have the ability to be generously present through the tough stuff like few others can.

They know how to express their uniqueness. Fashion, art, and unusual hobbies allow Enneagram Type 4’s individuality to shine through the crowd. They want to stand out!

The healthiest Enneagram Type 4 finds value in all their experiences through imagery, symbolism, and story. The Enneagram Institute lists the desire to create and surround themselves with beauty as the key motivation of the Type 4.

Overcoming Challenges

Deep down, when an Enneagram Type 4 is leaning toward unhealthy, they fear a lack of unique identity and significance, which can get in the way of worthwhile and healthy relationships.

Like every mom, building meaningful relationships with their children is a top priority for a Type 4 Mom. They believe in the power of emotions and deep connections, which is precisely what they should aim for with their kids. While it may be challenging to balance the demands of motherhood with their self-expression, taking the time to bond with their children will pay off in the long run. 

From reading their favorite books together to having heart-to-heart talks, these moments will create lasting memories for them and their little ones. Fostering a solid relationship with their children will help their children develop healthy emotional lives and set them up for success in all their future relationships. To dive deeper into this topic, listen to Episode 257 of my podcast – How to Practice Compassion with Aundi Kolber, an Enneagram Type 4 herself.

Don’t Do This: Common Pitfalls for Enneagram Type 4 Moms

Placing too much emphasis on their emotions and identifying themselves with their feelings can be a real struggle for Enneagram Type 4 Moms. While it’s important to acknowledge and process their feelings, it’s equally crucial that they not allow themselves to become consumed or defined by them. 

Enneagram Type 4s tend to believe that understanding their emotions is a prerequisite to making decisions or taking action, which can lead to feeling stuck or unable to move forward. Instead, it’s important to remember that emotions are temporary and do not necessarily reflect one’s true self. 

By recognizing this, Enneagram Type 4 Moms can avoid becoming overwhelmed by negative emotions and gain greater clarity and perspective in their parenting and personal lives.

Do This Instead: Strategies for Thriving as an Enneagram Type 4 Mom

Similar to their focus on emotions, an Enneagram Type 4 is always looking for deep connection. This next level of meaning is sometimes hard to find in the chaos of everyday life. That’s why it’s so important to appreciate the simple things. 

It is crucial to savor small events in the midst of everyday life––soak in a child’s laughter, feel their tiny hand’s warmth, and savor the taste of a home-cooked meal. 

These are moments that one looks back on with fondness and nostalgia. Appreciating the bigger picture while not missing out on the smaller bits and pieces is essential. For the Type 4 Mom, it’s important to remember they are doing a fantastic job, and these little moments are just a reminder of why it’s all worth it.

Top Tips For Enneagram Type 4 Moms

1. Create meaningful traditions

Enneagram Type 4s can use their creativity to develop meaningful family traditions that reflect their unique values and interests. As someone who feels deeply, these moms can use traditions to create cherished memories with their family.

2. Embrace routine

Let’s be honest: routines are helpful for most people. While the Enneagram Type 4 may not love it, a routine can create a sense of stability. That stability can generate enough margin to foster the creativity an Enneagram Type 4 Mom needs.

3. Find a creative outlet

Speaking of creativity, the rich imagination of a Type 4 needs a creative outlet. Whether it’s writing, painting, or playing music, finding a way to express themselves creatively can help Enneagram Type 4s maintain a sense of identity and fulfillment. 

4. Practice mindfulness

A simple tip to help manage the immense feelings of an Enneagram Type 4 is to practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or meditation. These can help the Enneagram Type 4 stay centered and focused, even when things around them feel chaotic.

5. Set boundaries

Most of us become sensitive when we’re over-tired or stretched too thin. For the Enneagram Type 4, it’s crucial they set boundaries around their time and energy to avoid feeling drained or overwhelmed. They naturally experience supersized feelings, which are only heightened under stress. You can find more tips for setting boundaries here.

6. Practice gratitude

Enneagram Type 4s can struggle with identity or feeling like an outsider. Focusing on what they’re grateful for can help them cultivate a positive mindset and develop feelings of contentment. Gratitude produces satisfaction, something we could all use a little more of in our lives.

7. Encourage autonomy

While it can be challenging for Enneagram Type 4s to let go of control, encouraging their children to make their own choices and decisions can help them develop independence and self-confidence.

8. Connect with other moms

Finding a community of other moms with similar values and interests can support and validate Enneagram Type 4 Moms. There are in-person parenting groups in nearly every community; if finding one is a challenge, many online resources are available. There are even Enneagram parenting Facebook groups where moms can ask questions and share insights.

9. Prioritize quality time

Have you ever heard, “Focus on the solution, not the problem?” All moms are busy and worry about spending enough time with their kiddos. Rather than focusing on quantity, Enneagram Type 4 Moms should prioritize spending quality time with their kids to create meaningful connections and memories.

10. Be open to feedback

Few Enneagram types love feedback, but Enneagram 4s are especially prone to struggling to receive it well. If we’re honest, we know none of us have it all together. Being open to constructive feedback from others can help them grow. However, they must remember not to take criticism from someone they wouldn’t go to for advice.

11. Practice flexibility

Even a Type 4, known for their unique approach to life, can fall into the trap of being concerned with what parenting *should* look like. It’s vital for Enneagram Type 4 Moms to be willing to let go of preconceived notions and be open to new ideas and approaches. Practicing flexibility as a parent can help foster a sense of adaptability and resilience in their children.

12. Communicate openly

Authenticity is highly valued by the Enneagram Type 4. They tend to be introspective and may find expressing their feelings and thoughts easier than other types. Actively practicing open and honest communication with their children and partner will help maintain healthy relationships and foster trust.

13. Let go of comparison

As one who naturally feels like an outsider, Enneagram Type 4 Moms must avoid the comparison trap at all costs. What starts innocently as a way to confirm the beauty of their uniqueness can quickly become unhealthy. Instead, a Type 4 Mom can intentionally acknowledge and appreciate what they value in themselves and those near and dear to them.

14. Stay organized

Often referred to as “the romantics,” Enneagram Type 4s can have a rich and, at times, consuming fantasy life. Staying organized and having systems for managing household tasks can help Enneagram Type 4s avoid becoming overwhelmed and reduce the need to retreat into fantasy, leaving more time to connect with their children.

15. Foster a love of learning

Enneagram Type 4 Moms can help their children develop a love of learning by exposing them to new experiences and encouraging them to explore their interests. 

Embracing a Healthy Parenting Journey: Takeaways and Insights

Being an Enneagram Type 4 Mom might be challenging, but with the proper knowledge and understanding, you can bring your family so much joy and satisfaction. Remember to prioritize relationships by connecting with your children on a deeper level. Trust your intuition as much as possible, as it is a potent tool for effectively making decisions. Finding moments of joy within everyday life can make all the difference regarding how content and fulfilled you feel. 

Your Action Step

Need more insight into who you are?  Check out our Mom Superpower quiz and discover more about your unique strengths and gifts as a mom!