Healing People-Pleasing and Perfectionism with Dr. Alison Cook. Episode 543
Healing People-Pleasing and Perfectionism with Dr. Alison Cook
Join Me To Build Your Best Fall – https://buildyourbestfall.com/
You can name my attachment style, your Enneagram number, and your diagnosis over dinner without blinking. But when the house goes quiet and nobody needs anything from you, you feel strangely unreachable to yourself.
That gap between knowing the language and feeling connected is the question I want to explore: what does it take to feel secure from the inside out?
Therapist and author Dr. Alison Cook is back with me to walk through her new book, The Secure Soul, and the three parts of me that are running the whole operation, whether I realize it or not. In this episode, we look at how to understand those parts, move toward a more secure life from the inside out, and find what it takes to feel secure from the inside out.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- Why we’re the most psychologically informed generation ever and still feel so alone, and how information becomes actual transformation
- The three parts of you running the show: the Controller, the Shadow, and the Young One, and how to tell which one is driving
- Why shame and self-condemnation never create lasting change, and the one thing that does
- A gentle, practical process for uncovering what’s underneath a habit you keep wishing you could stop
- How to hear from the youngest version of yourself, and why she holds your creativity and courage
- What it means that you’re not the single parent of your own soul
Timestamps:
(00:42) – Why the most psychologically informed generation still feels so alone
(01:20) – When head knowledge never becomes transformation
(02:22) – The London prayer walk: getting curious instead of forcing
(06:42) – The three parts of you: the Controller, the Shadow, and the Young One
(10:01) – Running the whole operation and quietly resenting it
(11:55) – The observing eye, agency, and bids for connection
(14:12) – Why the Shadow gets wrongly cast as the villain
(15:43) – A gentle process for uncovering what drives a habit you want to change
(19:05) – How to hear from the youngest version of yourself
(23:36) – Uncertainty, guilt, and the entrepreneurial woman
(24:26) – The extra child inside you
(28:04) – Mending a tear in your soul: rupture, repair, and the “if only”
(32:57) – What a secure soul looks like on an ordinary day
(34:04) – You are not the single parent of your soul
(35:40) – Fun questions: The Artist’s Way, movies, and a product she swears by
Links to great things we discussed:
- The Secure Soul
- Alison’s Quiz
- Alison’s Book Recommendation: The Artist’s Way
- Alison’s Movie Recommendation: Minions & Monsters & Survivor
- Alison’s Product Recommendation: HelloFresh
- Function Health
- Uplift App
- Join me on Substack: Wise Woman Method
- Alli on YouTube
I hope you loved this episode! 🎉
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