How to Have Successful Relationships, the Mistakes That Destroy Them, and Communication Without Regrets With Donna Jones Episode 304

How to Have Successful Relationships, the Mistakes That Destroy Them, and Communication Without Regrets With Donna Jones

I am so glad you are here. We’re still in the “Your Work Matters Series,” and we’re tackling a topic that is relevant to both work and our personal relationships.

Today, we are with my friend, Donna Jones, and we are sharing the truth about conflict and what common behaviors destroy both your personal and work relationships,

Donna Jones is a national speaker, church planter, pastor’s wife, author, writer, podcast host, and self-described “Bible-explainer.” She hosts the weekly That’s Just What I Needed podcast, 

In today’s post, Donna shares insights from her new book, Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: A Biblical Guide for Communicating Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions with Grace, Truth, and Zero Regret, and teaches us how to handle conflict in a God-honoring way and how to communicate our thoughts, feelings, and opinions with grace, truth, and zero regret.

Identifying Our Expectations and Communicating Them for Successful Relationships 

Donna shares a great example of when an expectation went without being communicated, and she got frustrated at her husband. His response was, “Expectation without communication leads to frustration.” And she says we must know what our expectations are so we can communicate them. Now, many women don’t know what their expectations are, and Donna says that’s valid. So, how do we identify our expectations? 

Our expectations first must go unfulfilled so we can trace it back and say, “Okay, am I frustrated or angry or hurt or upset right now because I had an expectation that went unfulfilled?” If yes, then we have to ask ourselves, what was the expectation, and did I communicate it? 

How to Have Hard Conversations in a Healthy Way for Successful Relationships

Donna shares the steps on how to have a hard conversation in a healthy way and have things turn out well. 

1. Have a soft start by affirming the relationship. 

• Saying something along the lines like, “You’re a great kid, I love you, You’re an important part of the management team, You know you’re my dear friend.” 

2. Then you say how you’re perceiving it, but assume the best. 

• You talk about you and how it makes you feel or how you are taking what they are saying/doing.

3. And lastly, give the person options. 

• Say something along the lines of, “Can you say it this way?” Or “Can you do this instead?” 

The Key to Successful Relationships

Donna shares the one thing that stood out to her in her research while writing her book was the key to a successful relationship. It was from Dr. John Gottman, and his work on relationships out of the University of Washington. He found he could predict the success or failure of a marriage in one weekend. Interestingly, he found that the key to a successful marriage is actually the same key to other relationships, whether parents, friendships, and extended family relationships. Which is if people paid positive attention to each other, they would make it.

That is the key to successful relationships – how great, right?

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Favorite quotes: 

“A lot of our conflicts can be preemptive if we communicate upfront.”

(11:25 Audio)

“When we are dealing with somebody’s difficult emotions, if we don’t just listen people escalate or they end always. When we are dealing with difficult things the best thing to do is just listen.”

(25:09 Audio)

“So many of us think that conflict is bad because we have never learned to work through conflict in a way that makes it turn out good.”

(32:04 Audio)

“If you have healthy conflict, you can have a peaceful life.” 

Coaching this week: (36:44 Audio)

3 Ways to Make Your Home & Life More Organized 

1. Finances.

• Streamline all of the memberships and subscriptions you don’t use. Do not streamline Called Creatives 😉 – but this software or food delivery service hasn’t been used in months. The monthly carwash membership that’s never used. (Don’t ask me how I know this). So, with the money you save from the memberships you don’t use, treat yourself because you deserve it! 
• Automate savings and investments so they happen automatically, and you don’t have to think about it. 

2. Make a home for everything.

• We have a kitchen cabinet door with command hooks where our keys live. Some people like to use plates, but for me, the less clutter, the better. So whatever it is for you that always gets misplaced (keys, wallet, etc.), take five minutes, develop a system, and make a home for it. It will save the stress of having to look for it or nag other people. 

3. Follow the one-in, one-out rule. 

• If you purchase one item, you will need to donate, toss, or sell an item. For example, I took my team to Orlando a few weeks ago, and every time I go to Disney, I purchase a mug if I see one I like. And if I do, I give an old mug to Goodwill or to my eldest son, who always takes them because I don’t need 75 mugs. 
• One thing I don’t throw out is my mouse ears because I’m saving them for my future granddaughters to play with and destroy. 

Links to great things we discussed: 

• Donna Jones Website
• Donna Jones  Instagram
• Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: A Biblical Guide for Communicating Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions with Grace, Truth, and Zero Regret
• Prayer: Communing with God in Everything
• Bobbi Brown Long-Wear Cream Eyeshadow Stick
• Alli on YouTube
• The Coach School
• Remaining You While Raising Them

Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here.

Hope you loved this episode!  Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! 🙂

xo,

Alli