How to Identify Safe People, Not Numbing Out, and Untangling Emotions with Jennie Allen Episode 309

How to Identify Safe People

Welcome back, friend! I am so happy you are here. Today, we are in the bullseye of emotional health topics, talking to Jennie Allen about how to untangle our emotions.

Jennie and I share about how we both had an interesting emotional reaction to the pandemic and how we have invested in ourselves and our emotional health since.

Jennie Allen is the founder and visionary of IF: Gathering, bestselling author, speaker at national events and conferences, and host of the Made for This podcast. She is a passionate leader, following God’s call on her life to catalyze a generation to live what they believe. 

Jennie’s new book, Untangle Your Emotions: Naming What You Feel and Knowing What to Do About It, offers a practical approach to naming our emotions, navigating those feelings in a healthy way, and embracing the healing that comes next.

Let’s dive in! 

The Purpose of Our Emotions and Untangling Emotions in a Healthy Way

In her research prior to writing this book, Jennie was surprised to find out how many people were uncomfortable with her proposition that emotions are good. She explains that the purpose of emotions is to help us process a very messy world and to connect us to God and to each other in a deeper way. Also, emotions are a gift from God, and when you use them for that purpose, they’re unbelievably powerful. 

Jennie shares that feeling your feelings and being in a community is untangling emotions in a healthy way. She shares a story about gathering with a small group for about a year after feeling numbed out and having to process her feelings, and suddenly she wasn’t triggered any more by this particular situation. Jennie further explains that during her research, she found that we have little neuropathways that break with trauma, and then they build back together and find their way back to each other repaired. 

What to do When You Catch Yourself Numbing Out

First, get help! But there is an exercise that Jennie shares that helps you identify what it is that you are feeling. All emotions fall under the big four:

• Sad
• Fear
• Anger
• Joy

Identify the feeling under one of those four and then ask yourself, what do you do when you’re afraid? What do you do when you feel scared? Also, pay attention to your body; where do you feel it? What is your body doing? Pay attention to your heart and your mind, too. And lastly, share. Share with someone who is safe. 

How to Identify Safe People to Share Our Emotions With

I asked Jennie to share how to identify safe people with whom to share our emotions because she mentioned how important it is. We can’t share with just anyone because if it doesn’t go well, we won’t ever share again. Jennie said, go to coffee first. You be the initiator. And second, drop just a little bit. Don’t share your most vulnerable thing with somebody early. Just try sharing something and see how it goes. And if they nod and lean in and say, me too, I feel that way too, that’s probably safe to try more and share more. Do it little by little because we also don’t want to dump on friends. 

Coaching This Week:

The Real Truth About Confidence  (32:57 Audio)

The real truth about confidence is that it doesn’t come from thinking about it or wishing that you were more confident. It’s all about taking action. Every time you step up and show what you’re made of, you feel stronger. This isn’t just talk; your confidence grows with every success. The exciting part is as you keep doing things, you’re not just becoming better at your job or the things that you’re doing in life; you’re becoming tougher, and more adaptable. 

You learn how to handle risk and tackle challenges, and you celebrate when things go right. You’ve heard me say before, “Life doesn’t get easier, but you get stronger.” So the things that used to take you out before don’t take you out anymore. Every move you make and every idea you try out it all adds up. You start to see that you can do bigger and bolder things than you could ever imagine. That is the magic of building confidence step by step. 

Let’s Get Practical 

So, if you’re ready to boost your confidence, I have homework for you. If you’re starting something fresh – dive in with little steps. Listen to your inner voice and take smart, small chances. Each small win will build your confidence. Remember, every big journey starts with a simple step. 

Maybe you have a new idea – start with a whisper, not a shout. Test the waters with a small project or a trail run. Every little success is a step-up on the latter of confidence. Just like a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, your big dream will kick off with one small action. 

Now, maybe you’re in the phase of life where you feel knocked down, or you recently had a setback. It’s time to rise up slowly. Like healing a sore muscle, you want to stack up tiny wins to get back on your feet and feel more confident. Step by step, you will get stronger. Pick one small thing you can change today. Maybe it’s waking up 15 minutes earlier to journal or take a different route to work. Maybe it’s cleaning out a drawer or your inbox. Tiny shifts can lead to big changes in how you feel and how you see the world. Remember, a little spark can start a great fire. This is how it’s going to be for your confidence. 

Maybe you’re on a winning streak – like all you do is win! This is your chance to aim higher without risking everything. Chase your dreams with a little daring, but make sure to keep your safety net. You’re building big things, one move at a time. 

Listen or Watch now:

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Favorite Quotes: 

“Emotions are very valid. They are telling us something. They are signals and can be very trustworthy at times.”

(8:17 Audio) 

“Emotions are good. They are not bad and they are not neutral. They are good gifts from God given to us to process a very messy world, to connect us to God in a deeper way, and to connect us to each other in a deeper way. “

(8:41 Audio) 

“As you begin to heal these parts of you that need healing, which God can do and you can do best in community with other people, it really does change everything.”

(20:46 Audio) 

“We all know that emotions can drive us off a cliff so there have to be choices around them. You can’t just feel it. You have to decide what am I going to do about this feeling.”  

(25:47 Audio)

“You just have to have a few people that commit to each other and decide to do this life together.”

(28:55 Audio) 

Links to Great Things We Discussed:

• Jennie Allen Website
• Jennie Allen  Instagram
• Untangle Your Emotions: Naming What You Feel and Knowing What to Do About It
• Sufficient Grace – Tia Rachelle
• Madam Secretary
• Ogee Sculpted Face Stick
• Silo
• Masters of the Air
• Alli on YouTube
• Called Creatives
• Remaining You While Raising Them

Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here.

Hope you loved this episode!  Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! 🙂

xo,

Alli