How to Make Big Decisions Episode 308

How to Make Big Decisions

Hey friend, welcome back! You are in the right place. Today, we are with the always lovely Emily P. Freeman. 

Emily and I have known each other for 16 years. She was one of the speakers at my very first conference back in the day when I had no clue what I was doing. She’s been a low-key powerhouse ever since. Today, we are tackling how to make big decisions in life, and I think you’ll love it! 

Emily P. Freeman is a bestselling author of five books. As a spiritual director, workshop leader, and host of The Next Right Thing podcast, her most important work is helping create soul space and offering spiritual companionship and discernment for anyone struggling with decision fatigue. 

Emily’s new book, How to Walk Into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away, offers guidance on when to move on from situations that no longer fit. It allows us to find new spaces where we can flourish and grow.

Let’s jump in! 

The Difference Between Readiness and Timeliness When It Comes to Making Big Decisions 

Emily shares about a time when she was ready for a big change, but it wasn’t the right time. It was when she co-founded a membership for writers back in 2015, and when the pandemic hit, it definitely slowed the process down because now she was running a business differently than she had done before, just like everyone else. And she said it did not feel like the time to make big changes. And so this is an excellent example of a time when she was ready, but it was not yet time. Emily also shares that sometimes the opposite is true when you are not ready, but it is time.

Emily says that a lot of the tension we have when deciding to leave or stay is because readiness and timeliness don’t line up. So, we have to make decisions as best we can with the current information and where we are currently, even though readiness and timeliness do not necessarily align. Because when they align, that’s when we throw parties. That’s when we have graduations, weddings, and retirements. It’s those other times when they’re not aligned that we find ourselves having to enter into these discernment processes. 

Questions to Ask When Making Big Decisions

I asked Emily to share questions we can ask ourselves to help us decide whether to stay or go.

• Did I choose this room, or did this room choose me?

Emily says this question is important because sometimes the rooms we question are chosen for us. She provides the example of a church and says, “Did you grow up in this church, and you’ve been here since you were a tiny baby, and now you’re 25? So, this room kind of chose you. Someone chose it for you because you didn’t choose this room as a baby. And so developmentally it makes sense that you might begin to look around and wonder, is this still a room for me?” 

However, the other part of that is, if you did choose this room, it’s really good to be aware of that because the rooms we choose often have a lot of stories attached to them because maybe we worked really hard to get there. Those rooms are often more difficult and nuanced to consider changing because they are often tied to not just what we’re doing and where we’re spending our time but also our identity.

Using the Point-And-Call System for Clarity When Making Decisions

The point-and-call system is a safety system that we kind of take from the Japanese Railway System. That’s where they point out very obvious things happening on the train, and they call them and say them out loud. And it sounds like the curious prattle of a toddler, for example, “There’s a ball. There’s my mommy,” etc. It’s all very obvious things.

However, what they found was that it reduced workplace mishaps. It made the workplace, which is the trains, much safer. And studies show it did work. So when we take that system and apply it to our inner life, apply it to the actual rooms that we’re in, whether those are physical rooms or metaphorical rooms, it can be so helpful. What it does is it raises our awareness of what is actually true by pointing at the corners of the room that you’re avoiding by pointing out who am I showing up as different in this space than maybe I’m showing up in spaces where people who really know and love me, am I showing up differently here or there? So it’s simply a way to begin to name what is actually happening here without judgment and just take a count. 

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Coaching this week:  

Taking Risks 34:06 Audio

I want you to consider whether this could be for you. I want you to think about a dream in your heart or a nudge you feel God has given you. And if you have that, a dream, a nudge, an idea that keeps popping up that you can’t make go away, I want to encourage you. Because I believe in a world that is changing so quickly, so many opportunities come about, and not taking risks is the biggest risk. 

Standing still is like sitting out the dance of life. Think about it: everything around you is moving, changing, and growing. And there are so many opportunities that are available to you. If you’re too scared to step out and take a chance that we’re not living, we just exist. Imagine life as a big game of leapfrog, remember that? Except the stakes are your dreams, goals, deepest desires, and the ideas God has put in your heart. If you’re not jumping, you’re not getting anywhere. Now, I’m not saying to make reckless decisions but to take smart risks. 

It’s about knowing what you want, weighing your options, taking a leap of faith, and investing in yourself. Learning something, trying something, and investing in you. It’s about not letting the fear of failure keep you from the incredible life you could have. 

Failure isn’t the end of the world but a stepping stone to success. It’s going, “Oh, that didn’t work, but let me try again.” Every person has failed over and over again; I do it often. What sets people apart is that they don’t let the fear stop them from trying again. So, let’s not be the ones watching from the sidelines. Let’s be the ones that are making things happen, shaking things up, and living life to the fullest. 

Favorite quotes: 

“There are a lot of us who have found ourselves in a lot of rooms. Many of those rooms we have prayed for, longed for, and fought really hard to get into. And then something shifts. Maybe something shifts in the room or something shifts in us. It doesn’t have to mean something went wrong. It just means something has changed or is changing.”

8:04 Audio

“A lot of the tension we have when it comes to deciding to leave or stay it’s because readiness and timeliness don’t line up. So we have to make decisions the best we can with the information we currently have with where we are right now about what is my next right thing here.”

12:10 Audio

“Just because it is not the right room for me anymore doesn’t mean I chose wrong in the first place and doesn’t mean I made a big mistake. It just means I am growing, and changing, and life is different now.”

15:57 Audio

“When you leave a room you don’t walk into nothing. Something new is always waiting. And you don’t walk alone, God always goes with you.”

21:59 Audio

“It can be so scary to change your mind, to change your place, or change your way of being in a space but it is a healthy human rhythm.”

22:22 Audio

Links to great things we discussed: 

• Emily P. Freeman Website
• Emily P. Freeman  Instagram
• How to Walk Into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away
• Light On – Maggie Rogers
• Ugly Betty
• Barbie
• Superstore
• 60-Second Eye Effects
• Lectio 365
• The Quiet Collection
• Argylle
• Laura Geller Eyeshadow
• Alli on YouTube
• Called Creatives
• Alli’s Internship
• Remaining You While Raising Them

Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here.

Hope you loved this episode!  Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! 🙂

xo,

Alli