The Surprising Benefits of Writing Your Story with Ally Fallon Episode 317

Surprising Benefits of Writing Your Story

Today, we are learning about the surprising benefits of writing our story with my friend, Ally Fallon. She is walking us through some surprising research about all the emotional health benefits of writing our story, and she is going to tell us how to get started in a simple way. 

Allison Fallon is an author, speaker, and founder of Find Your Voice, a community that supports anyone who wants to write anything. In addition to her books The Power of Writing It Down: A Simple Habit to Unlock Your Brain and Reimagine Your Life, Packing Light and Indestructible: Leveraging Your Broken Heart to Become a Force of Love & Change in the World, she has ghostwritten 11 books and has collaborated on countless others. 

In her new book, Write Your Story: A Simple Formula to Understand Yourself, Your Story and Your Purpose in the World, Ally guides the reader through an 8-step framework that anyone can use to tell a more interesting story and begin to make meaning.

Let’s get started! 

Why Writing Our Story Matters

Right from the jump, I asked Ally why does writing our story matters, and she answered in the most beautiful way. She says there are so many reasons, but the main reason it matters is because the act of putting our story on paper teaches us who we are, what our life is about, and what we’re here for. And even deeper than that, why we matter and what makes our life so significant. 

Now, beyond that, as we share that story, it also allows us to connect with other people who are in our lives to really feel and experience that connection and the love that has always been there. And there are a thousand other contributions to the world; our specific contribution that’s unique to us is born out of that act of better understanding our lives and our story. The act of putting your life experiences into a framework like a narrative structure can really show you your life in a different kind of way than you’ve ever seen it before. Beautiful right? 

And did you know there are benefits of writing your story? 

Spiritual, Emotional, and Health Benefits of Writing Your Story

I was listening to a researcher talking about healing when people have been through trauma, or people have been through any difficult experience, and there is a huge benefit for people who actually write out what they’ve been through because the more they write it out, the more they process and the faster it heals. And so I asked Ally when she was researching for her book what did she find out.

She said the piece of data that stuck with her the most was that people who write regularly, and writing regularity was defined by writing four days in a row for twenty minutes at a time. But those who wrote regularly saw a fifty percent improvement in their immune system and their ability to fight off upper respiratory infections and the flu! Who knew writing had such a strong physical impact on our bodies? 

Where to Start Writing Your Story 

For someone who has never written their story and they’ve never examined their life in that way, I asked Ally where is a good place to start. She says, start by telling what happened. People will ask for prompts, and she does have prompts, but the number one prompt that Ally gives is what happened. If you want to talk about an event from your life, maybe the event is a significant event from the past, like losing a loved one or going through a divorce, or, you know, battling an illness of some kind. And if you want to talk about that event, just pretend like you’re sitting across the table from a very close friend or family member, someone who you have a lot of trust in, and just tell them the whole story from start to finish.

Don’t worry about doing any organization; it doesn’t have to be interesting to the reader, no need for a great hook, and this doesn’t have to turn into a memoir. None of that matters for it to be healing for you. Now, what Ally teaches in her book is the framework that will help you take what happened and make it interesting from the beginning. 

Alright, let’s move to coaching now. 

How to Quit Letting Guilt Weigh You Down

I’ve seen the post all over Instagram, and I’m sure you have too that shout from the rooftops about how you shake off the guilt and step boldly into confidence. And I’m for all those things. I want those things. But here’s a little secret for you. The real magic happens when we actually start to listen to our guilt. Now, that sounds a little backward, but hang with me here. 

Those nagging thoughts that whisper, you’re not acing it at work, or you’re messing up your kids, or you’re not cool enough to fit in with those people. They can be relentless, and our knee-jerk reaction is to slam on the brakes and silence them because they’re super upsetting. We know they’re not our truth. They’re just thoughts that pop up in our heads. We try everything from distractions to pep talks with friends or a coach or in an effort to remind ourselves of our worth. 

What is Our Guilt Trying to Tell Us?

But here’s the revelation: while the guilt itself might be wrong, it’s waving a flag into something that is going on in your life. It’s waving a flag, signaling that there could be something deeper that you need to explore. So, for example, if you think I’m failing at my job, instead of just pushing it away and going, that’s just an inaccurate thought. Be curious about it. Is it really about your job performance, or could it be imposter syndrome coming up? Keep peeling back the layers.

Maybe it’s not about your job right now,it’s about a past job experience that left you feeling less than or sometimes we do have a little bit of job trauma when we go through something a bad experience that can shake our confidence in ourselves. Maybe it is about right now, and maybe it’s because you’re not getting the support you need from your colleagues. There are various different reasons why that thought came up but we have to be curious about it. 

Dig Deep on Your Guilty Thoughts

And to all the moms out there, you know how I feel about mom guilt. It is like being caught in a whirlwind of doubt whether we are doing well enough. If we’re working, are we missing moments? Are we ruining our kids’ lives? Or if we’re staying home, we’re worried about losing ourselves in the process. It is time to decode the message behind the guilt. I want you to ask yourself, what is going on? Why am I really feeling this way? And don’t be afraid to dive deep. You know that you’re doing well; you know in your heart that you’re doing your best. Is it perfect? No, but it doesn’t have to be perfect. And if you are a mom, you know that perfect would mess up your kids.

And if you read my book, you know that doing everything perfectly would totally mess up your kids. Remember, you only have to get it right 50 % of the time to be a great mom. If you are perfect and you do everything right, you’re going to kneecap your kids going into the future because they won’t know how to deal with imperfect people. I want you to let that confidence be your guide as you uncover the true feelings behind your feelings of guilt. Again, don’t automatically assume your guilty feelings are true, but don’t push them aside. Once we understand the real issues lying beneath those feelings of guilt we can start to tackle them head on. So, instead of muting the guilt out of just immediate feedback, it’s about solving the root issue of the guilt for good.

Favorite Quotes:

“The main reason writing our story matters is that the act of putting our story on paper teaches us who we are, what our life is about, what we are here for, why we matter, what makes our life so significant, and what is the most interesting thing about us. Beyond that, when we share that story it also allows us to connect with other people who are in our lives.”

(5:17 Audio)

“It is really so powerful when you start to put your story down on the page. You just see it in another way.”

(13:37 Audio)

“Every story is interesting if it’s told in the right way.”

(15:33 Audio)

“When you know how to write a great hook, you know how to command human attention, and when you can command human attention, you can give people information that is really important to them.”

(17:03 Audio)

“We have a lot more agency in resolving our stories than we think we do because most personal stories resolve when the internal problem resolves rather than the external problem.”

(20:45 Audio)

Links to Great Things We Discussed:

• Ally Fallon Website
• Ally Fallon Instagram
• Write Your Story: A Simple Formula to Understand Yourself, Your Story and Your Purpose in the World
• Hanging Out – Ben Rector
• Only Murders in the Building
• Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
• Ilia Super Serum Skin Tint
• Ilia Tinted Hydrating Lip Balm
• Dune: Part Two
• Shōgun
• Apply for Alli’s Free Coaching
• Create a Course
• Alli on YouTube
• Remaining You While Raising Them

Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here.

Hope you loved this episode!  Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! 🙂

xo,

Alli