15 Tips for Enneagram Type 9 Moms

The traditional church phrase, “Peace be with you,” could be the mantra of all Enneagram Type 9 Moms. They yearn for peace and harmony in their home, relationships, and world.

Known as the peacemaker, the Enneagram Type 9 will do almost anything to avoid conflict. She has the ability to anticipate strife and prevent or minimize the tension.

In the role of mom, Enneagram Type 9s shine with their deep empathy for their children and loved ones. This ability to look at all sides of an issue allows her to resolve conflicts fairly and peacefully. 

At her best, the Enneagram Type 9 Mom will draw others together and calm conflict. At her worst, her fear of losing a relationship will prevent her from having difficult conversations, causing her to keep the peace at her own expense. 

Enneagram Type 9 Moms bring unique strengths and experience specific challenges in their parenting role. Whether you’re an Enneagram Type 9 Mom or you know one, these insights can shed light on the unique dynamics of this personality type in motherhood.

Celebrating Strengths

Enneagram Type 9 Moms are nurturing and compassionate. Their parenting style is rooted in understanding and kindness, allowing them to give their children a safe space for expression while providing age-appropriate guidance. 

Let’s look at a typical chaotic morning for an example of this parenting approach. One child is upset because she can’t find her favorite stuffed animal. The other child does not want to put on his shoes. After a deep breath, an Enneagram Type 9 Mom will infuse a calm presence into the atmosphere. 

With empathy, an Enneagram Type 9 Mom will kneel at her child’s level and reassure her that they can find the stuffed animal. Then, she’ll calmly address the shoe situation.

After a successful teddy bear hunt and a steady-tone footwear negotiation, her family will make it out the door. This calm approach models emotional regulation and problem-solving for her children. She teaches them to manage challenges with poise and grace.

Overcoming Challenges

On the journey of overcoming challenges as an Enneagram Type 9 Mom, it’s essential to acknowledge that growth comes from facing and addressing challenges, not avoiding them. For an Enneagram Type 9, avoiding conflict isn’t limited to profound situations. It can be as simple as redirecting the conversation at the dinner table. 

Picture the teenage daughter of an Enneagram Type 9 mom expressing frustration and feeling overwhelmed by her schoolwork. Seeing the potential for conflict, tension, or arguments, the Enneagram Type 9 Mom needs to resist the temptation to dismiss her daughter’s feelings by responding with, “Oh, honey, it’s not that bad. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Let’s not dwell on it.” In doing so, this mom would have missed the opportunity to engage her daughter in meaningful communication.

We know not every struggle will be as easy to solve as finding a lost toy.  However, it’s essential to embrace conflicts as opportunities for growth. With this approach, the Enneagram Type 9 Mom can navigate common pitfalls and create a healthier, more harmonious family environment.

Don’t Do This: Common Pitfalls for Enneagram Type 9 Mom

We’ve looked at the danger of conflict avoidance, but another trap the Enneagram Type 9 Moms need to maneuver around is the tendency not to set boundaries. Boundaries may seem unnecessary for an Enneagram Type 9, who is entirely agreeable to others. However, setting boundaries is essential for healthy relationships.

When Enneagram Type 9s begin setting boundaries, they often struggle with making them clear to those around them. They fear doing so may disrupt the peace and harmony they work so hard to maintain. But they can start small by practicing saying “no.” Remember, a kind and clear no is more loving than a halfhearted yes. 

Without boundaries, an Enneagram Type 9 may become overcommitted or unable to protect her personal space and time. Ultimately, failing to set boundaries leads to feeling overwhelmed and drained, which isn’t helpful to anyone.

Do This Instead: Strategies for Thriving as an Enneagram 9

Along with addressing conflict and setting boundaries, it’s crucial for the Enneagram Type 9 Mom to practice assertiveness. An Enneagram Type 9 might think boundaries are possible while still struggling with being assertive. However, assertiveness doesn’t mean aggression; it’s about expressing oneself honestly while considering the needs and feelings of others.

An Enneagram Type 9 mom is keenly aware of how others feel. Instead of focusing on the other person’s feelings alone, an Enneagram Type 9 Mom must consider their own. They can practice assertiveness by learning to communicate their thoughts, desires, and boundaries lovingly and respectfully. 

When an Enneagram Type 9 Mom speaks up for herself, she models healthy communication for her children.

Top Tips For Enneagram Type 9 Moms

We’ve looked at the strengths and challenges of the Enneagram Type 9 Mom. These tips will help Enneagram Type 9 Moms maintain a sense of balance, peace, and personal well-being. 

As an Enneagram Type 9 Mom, you can incorporate these practices into your life and better care for yourself while tending to your family’s needs.

1. Prioritize Me-Time 

Make it a regular habit to set aside time just for yourself. Don’t use this time to numb out; instead, focus on becoming clear on who you are as an individual. Determine what you enjoy, from activities to food. This knowledge will help you to express yourself rather than being complacent to others all the time. 

2. Delegate Responsibilities 

For household harmony, it can be easier just to do tasks yourself. However, consider sharing household chores and parenting duties with your partner and children. This practice will encourage a sense of shared responsibility within the family.

3. Set Clear Boundaries 

As discussed in the pitfall section above, it is important to establish clear boundaries to protect your personal space and time. Communicate these boundaries to your family, ensuring they understand and respect them.

4. Practice Mindfulness 

As someone who willingly sets aside their desires to please others, mindfulness can be a powerful tool. Mindfulness allows you to pay attention to your feelings and thoughts without judging them as good or bad. This exercise will enable you to express yourself without fear.

5. Engage in Creative Outlets 

Explore creative activities that bring you joy. This could be drawing, painting, crafting, or any other creative pursuit. 

6. Connect with Nature 

Spend time outdoors, whether going for a walk, tending a garden, or simply sitting in a park. Nature can be a rejuvenating and peaceful environment.

I found this article about nature’s benefits on post-natal well-being particularly interesting––BMC Women’s Health.

7. Maintain a Support Network 

Stay connected with friends and family who provide emotional guidance and understanding. Don’t hesitate to lean on your support system when needed. We know that making friends can be challenging as a mom, so we put together these ten tips for building your social network. 

8. Practice Deep Breathing 

Incorporate deep breathing exercises into your daily routine. Deep breaths can help you relax, reduce stress, and center yourself. You can read more about the health benefits of deep breathing here.

9. Limit Overcommitment 

Be mindful of taking on too many responsibilities outside of your family life. Abstain from overcommitting to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Remember the value of boundaries if you fear setting limits will cause you to let people down.

10. Create a Comfort Zone 

Summon your inner HGTV designer and create a cozy and tranquil space within your home. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Pick a small spot and let it become a place to retreat when you need peace and relaxation.

11. Schedule Alone Time 

While similar to prioritizing “me” time, this is a more intentional time away plotted on the calendar. Think of a quarterly or annual personal planning meeting. You don’t have to leave town (but you can). The point is to have time alone to identify what’s important in the season ahead, set goals, and formulate a plan for achieving those goals. 

12. Explore Mindful Movement 

Consider activities like pilates or low-intensity interval training, which combine physical movement with mindfulness. These types of exercises promote relaxation and inner balance.

13. Set Realistic Expectations 

Be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day. Avoid setting overly ambitious goals that may lead to stress and frustration. Consider cutting your goal in half, as our friend Jon Acuff suggests.

14. Celebrate Achievements 

Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Reward yourself for your efforts and successes. May I suggest a new book on motherhood?  

15. Nurture Your Passions 

Reconnect with your passions and interests, whether they’ve been on the back burner or are entirely new pursuits. Pursuing what you love brings fulfillment and happiness.

Embracing a Healthy Parenting Journey: Takeaways and Insights

Being an Enneagram Type 9 Mom is a unique and beautiful experience. Your natural inclination towards creating peace and harmony in your family is a valuable gift. By practicing assertiveness, healthy conflict resolution, and self-care, you can overcome common challenges and thrive in your role as a mother.

Remember that no one is perfect, and every mother faces her own set of challenges. Embrace imperfection and focus on creating a loving, nurturing, and harmonious environment for your children. Your journey as an Enneagram Type 9 mom is remarkable, filled with opportunities for personal growth and the creation of beautiful family memories.

Your Action Step

Need more insight into who you are?  Check out our Mom Superpower quiz and discover more about your unique strengths and gifts as a mom!