Navigating Friendships in the Digital Age with Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston Episode 315

Navigating Friendships in the Digital Age 

Today, we are talking about friendships with Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston. We talk about the ups and downs, the good and the bad, how to know when something is a little bit on the toxic side, and what to do about it. These girls are so fun, and they give us some great tips for having healthier friendships. 

Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston are cofounders of the viral page Sister, I Am with You, which is all about friendship. They also co-authored the Wall Street Journal bestseller I’ll Be There (But I’ll Be Wearing Sweatpants) and have been featured on national news programs such as Good Morning America to discuss friendship. 

In their new book, Here For It (the GOOD, the BAD, and the QUESO): The How-To Guide for Deepening Your Friendships and Doing Life Together, they share practical tips for strengthening current friendships and show how important love, understanding, and being open with each other really are.

Let’s dive in. 

Red Flags For Toxic Friendships

The first topic we talk about is red flags in toxic friendships. I share about mine, which is the subtle put-down. For example, when I was a young mom, we didn’t have any extra money, and I had a friend who was super wealthy and would plan weekend getaways for our girlfriends. And she would say things like, “So sorry you’re not able to come, Alli.” Then she’d say to the group, I’ve offered to help her work with her budget, but she’s never taken me up on it. But she knew my budget was $100 a week for everything: gas, groceries, diapers, etc. At that time, I didn’t have the ability to recognize that she’s being super shaming and embarrassing me. And this is a huge red flag.

Jess shares that one red flag is when someone is constantly going through a difficult time or a difficult season or if there’s always some crisis happening in someone’s life. Yes, it is normal for a difficult season to be happening. However, when it is created, and it becomes this vortex that sucks you in, and you have to stop focusing on what you’re supposed to be focusing it will become unhealthy for you. Jess says she thinks if you’re in a friendship where it is always centered and focused on them and their needs and there’s not a lot of reciprocation, that’s a definite thing that you need to look at because it’s not a friendship. So you can give to someone because it’s in your heart and feels like something you should do. But If there’s no giving back, that’s not a friendship.

Common Friendship Challenges

In their book, they address common friendship challenges, which I feel is an important topic, so of course, I asked them to share a few. Amy shares that we are very unskilled when it comes to conflict, especially as women. We do not address it; we sweep it under the rug and pretend like it doesn’t exist. Instead of saying something, we don’t, and we ghost the person, and they don’t know what they did wrong. We see confrontation as a negative thing, but a lot of stuff can be worked through in like fifteen minutes. For example, it can be like, “Hey, when you did this, I kind of took it this way, but I would really like to hear where you were coming from.” And then they go, “Oh, no, this is actually what I meant.” Boom, done. The conflict was totally avoided. 

Jess shares that when you are having difficult conversations, it’s best to be curious and not judgmental. Don’t assume you know why the situation is the way it is or what their motives are because we are all wired differently, and our reasons behind things are different. Lastly, they are not in our heads, so they have no idea what we’ve been through or what might trigger us or hurt us. 

Amy’s & Jess’ Best Friendship Advice

The best friendship advice is don’t wait! You don’t have to wait for someone to start a conversation with you. Start the conversation. You don’t have to wait for someone to make the first move and you don’t have to wait for someone else to slide into your DMs and give you a compliment. You can do those things. Like, you have the magic, you have the power.

Coaching This Week: How to Use Self-Awareness to Take Action

First thing first – remember this: Self-Awareness – taking action = staying stuck! These past two weeks, you’ve learned all about the power of self-awareness and how it holds the key to achieving your goals. However, self-awareness isn’t alone isn’t enough. Self-awareness without taking action means we stay stuck. 

Now, it’s time to take action and it’s time to make a plan. I want you to find one thing, just one thing. You don’t have to have it all figured out, but find one thing that you can do differently. Maybe you decide to put on worship music when you’re in the pickup line, not too loud, because that grumpy woman will give you the side eye. And you listen to worship music the whole way to work, reminding yourself that Jesus loves the person who cut you off and the grumpy woman in the pickup line. It’s a mindset shift, a big one, but it just takes a little bit of action. 

Or you gather up your courage and confide in a trusted friend about a business you want to create or a course that you want to create. And you go to my website and get a bunch of free step -by -step guides on how to build that course or to start that business. Remember, taking action is the key ingredient to turn your insights into real progress.

So, I want you to make that plan. Make a first small, doable step towards your goal. You do not have to have it all figured out—I promise. Combine the power of self-awareness with intentional action, and you’ll stop being stuck. That is how it works. Self-awareness + action = momentum.

Listen or Watch now:

iTunes.

Spotify.

YouTube.

Favorite Quotes: 

“Go into difficult conversations like Ted Lasso. Be curious and don’t assume you know what their motive is.” 

19:45 video

“You have the magic and the power. You just have to believe it and go out there, live your life, and go after what you want. If a friendship is something that you want, go after it.  Don’t waste wishing someone else would do these things that you are capable of doing.”

14:13 Audio 

“It is actually a gift when you reach out to someone and pursue them in friendship whether they receive the gift and whether they have time for the gift or not.”

15:52 Audio 

Links to Great Things We Discussed:

• Sister I Am With You  Website
• Sister I Am With You Instagram
• Amy Weatherly Instagram
• Jess Johnston Instagram
• Here For It (the Good, the Bad, and the Queso): The How-To Guide for Deepening Your Friendships and Doing Life Together
• Plowshare Prayer – Spencer LaJoye
• Get Your Life Back: Everyday Practices for a World Gone Mad
• Hair Extensions
• 8 Sheep Organics ​​Organic Sleepy Body Lotion
• Live Tinted
• Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity
• Create a Course
• Alli on YouTube
• Remaining You While Raising Them

Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here.

Hope you loved this episode!  Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! 🙂

xo,

Alli