Why Women Stop Betting on Themselves (And How to Start Again) with Niro Feliciano. Episode 521
Why Women Stop Betting on Themselves (And How to Start Again) with Niro Feliciano
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Shifts are happening. Women in their 40s are coming to therapy not because life is unraveling, but to rediscover who they are. Therapist Niro Feliciano, a Today Show regular, calls this process excavating—pulling back layers of output, caretaking, and self-doubt to find the woman underneath.
In this episode of Smart Girl Summer, Niro and I talk about the real reasons women hesitate to bet on themselves, where those self-limiting beliefs actually start (yes, middle school makes an appearance), and the two questions every woman needs to start asking herself right now.
What You Will Learn in This Episode
- Why so many women over 40 are seeking therapy, and what is driving the shift
- Ask the two questions Niro uses to help clients reconnect with what they truly want.
- What is happening in your brain when you do not invest in yourself
- Notice the sting of childhood and middle school moments shaping the harsh inner critic you hear today.
- The difference between healthy caution and self-sabotage disguised as wisdom
- Why sacrificing yourself and erasing yourself are not the same thing
- Tune in to what you genuinely desire and what fills you with joy, and imagine the vibrant life awaiting you when you finally leave autopilot behind.
Timestamps:
(02:37) – How Niro’s work has shifted, why she’s back seeing clients full time, and what it taught her about saying no
(05:42) – What Niro is seeing in women right now, the rise of women over 40 in therapy, and the concept of “excavating yourself”
(07:42) – The two questions women don’t ask themselves enough: What do you want? What brings you joy?
(10:09) – Alli on writing her motherhood book and the moment women realized they’d been withering on the vine
(11:09) – Why women won’t invest in themselves, the fear of failure, and the guilt spiral that follows
(13:11) – What’s actually happening in the brain when a woman won’t bet on herself
(14:35) – Where self-limiting beliefs come from, childhood, critical parents, and yes, middle school
(16:08) – Alli on what she sees as a business coach and why she sends clients to therapy
(18:31) – How to tell the difference between healthy caution and self-sabotage dressed up as wisdom
(20:17) – Why uncertainty creates more anxiety than the bad thing itself (the electric shock study)
(21:23) – The line between sacrificing yourself for your family and erasing yourself for them
(23:38) – The first step: what are you doing just for yourself this week that nobody else benefits from?
Links to great things we discussed:
I hope you loved this episode! 🎉
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