Have you ever felt like emotional health continues to evade you? If you’re like most of the people in our society today, it often feels as if it’s just beyond our reach.
Emotional health is not a legendary pot of gold at the end of the rainbow after a fierce storm. It is much more available to us when we put these 75 action steps into practice.
I understand that 75 action steps can seem overwhelming, but I’m convinced you’ll find these a lot easier to include in your day than you may realize. Yes, some of them will take more intention and work, but all of them are within reach.
If you’re going to continue to win as a female entrepreneur, a wife, a mama, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, and every other title you own, you’ll have to practice these tips.
Without them, success will be momentary and fleeting. Thankfully, we’re in this for the long game. Let’s get to work.
I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest, Instagram, and every other social media outlet. I love how visually beautiful everything can be, and I’m a sucker for a great tutorial. But when we subconsciously compare our real-life to the perfectly planned, propped, and prepared images we see, it can steal our happiness. Remember real life is awesome.
I’m a fan of social media. I love its power to help connect us to others who are making incredible waves in this world to ensure it’s a better place. However, findings from Harvard University have shown that we have an unlimited supply of social stimuli through our smartphones now, and the dopamine we feel when we receive a “like” has begun to breed addiction.
When you intentionally take time away from social media, you get to prioritize the important stuff like spending time with family, organizing that office, or reestablishing your goals. It’s healthy to pause and do a pulse check from time to time. Think about which accounts trigger you to feel envy and resentment. Consider muting them for a time or unfollowing them all together, but think carefully about what triggered you.
Ask yourself what, among those accounts you dislike, is so attractive or enviable. I want you to think about the feeling you believe you’re missing out on and then begin to cultivate that in your own life. You may not get married or have a child tomorrow, but is there a way that you could practice presence among the family and friends you do have?
Taking time off social is a great way to spend time cultivating the life you want to live in real time.
Analytics are important. I talk about the necessity of checking your analytics in The Coach School. Still, there’s a time and a place for it. I recommend incorporating a system that will lead you to check them regularly, but the one thing I don’t want you to do is obsess over them.
Attempting to obsess over them will only lead to early burnout. Take the time to enjoy your growth organically. Plan for it and take the necessary steps to pursue it, but don’t obsess over the numbers. Enjoy the growth you’re experiencing right now.
There are two common types of mindsets: fixed (meaning you believe that your intelligence and abilities are set and unchanging) and growth (meaning you believe these things can and will grow).
When you have a growth mindset you believe that you can change, grow, learn and develop into the person you have been created to be. The way you think about yourself will help you grow or stay stuck. Don’t limit your own potential by not recognizing it.
Plans change, cars break down, movies sell out, flights get canceled. In fact, the only thing predictable about life is that it is unpredictable. Learning to go with the flow will go a long way in reducing your stress level.
When I turned 30, I realized that I could keep staying up until 2:00 a.m. every night and sleeping five hours a night, but eventually it was going to catch up with me. And by “catch up with me” I mean I would be a terrible human being to be around. Research showed it would cause weight gain, anxiety, and premature wrinkles (now that got my attention).
Because I’m not a morning person and my brain doesn’t even work before I have my first cup of coffee, I set myself up for success the night before. The coffee is ready to brew, the kids’ school uniforms are all laid out for them, and I take care of any little things that need to be done first thing in the morning. (This could be a permission slip for a field trip, a check I need to write, etc…)
A dedicated five or ten minutes every evening saves a lot of stress and hassle the next morning.
Morning routines can be tedious and may require you to wake up earlier to incorporate them, but you’ll be happier that you did. Imagine starting your day off slowly and enjoying some intentional time alone before you begin to meet everyone else’s demands. How would you show up differently? How much more productive, happier, and responsive would you be?
Drinking water, journaling, or practicing some prayer and meditation are all ways that you can enjoy a slow start to the day that will set the tone for everything that follows. Worried that you don’t have time to journal? Leave the romantic language to the devotional writers and keep a bullet journal to practice gratitude or engage in a brain dump. It’s quick and easy to implement and you’ll be able to practice presence once you do.
It has never been easier to get something fried and processed, and, to be honest, I don’t ever think it’s been more delicious. I mean, have you tried a fried oreo? Unfortunately, as much as I enjoy a good French fry, good emotional health requires us to watch what we eat. Many dietitians recommend that we “eat the rainbow,” as a reminder to ensure colorful fruits and veggies fill our plates every day.
Up to 20 percent of your daily water consumption could come through the foods you eat, so including fruits and vegetables that are high in water content could help keep you hydrated. Hydration contributes to our focus, but hydration isn’t the only benefit there is. Endless benefits arise when we eat the rainbow so the next time you reach for a snack, make it a naturally colorful one (not a Skittle).
If there’s one happiness lesson in parenting I’ve learned, it is that good enough is just fine, especially when your kids are young. If you can survive the day without something broken, something thrown up on, something without a bloodstain, or a day without a broken heart, it’s a total win.
Now that I have turned 40 and have people in their 20’s working for me, it’s come to my attention that I’m not cool anymore. I have it on good authority from my teenage sons that if you’re not genetically gifted with the “cool gene” and you try too hard to be cool, you won’t be.
My point is to be your own awesome self, no matter what age you are, being who you are and not trying to fit into some idea of how you “should be” is what brings real happiness.
This one is easier said than done. I shared in Breaking Busy that even Jesus disappointed other people. Disappointing others is just a fact of life. Accepting that we are going to both disappoint others and be disappointed by others reduces our unrealistic expectations, ultimately making us happier people.
Conduct a time audit to catch your time leaks. You may find that you’ve been hard on yourself because you underestimate the time it takes you to complete a project. You may also find that you’re giving a lot more attention to social media or Netflix than you’d planned.
The time you spend endlessly scrolling or binge watching television could be an internal cry for help. Begin to think about how you could enjoy more fulfilling activities instead.
I love to sing, to worship, to snuggle with my family, and I love a big cup of hot tea and a great book. I don’t spend hours a day doing these things, but I do spend “some time” every day doing things that bring me joy.
You don’t have to carve out hours a day doing the things that you love, but intentionally building in time will protect your happiness and joy from the stress of daily life.
In the words of Buddy the Elf, “I like smiling. Smiling’s my favorite.” One of the best decisions I made as a mother is to smile (most of the time) when one of my children walks through the door. Not a forced smile, but a big old goofy smile that makes the corners of my eyes crinkle up. It’s an investment in the happiness and security of all of my children and in my relationship with them.
The power of a genuine smile, research has shown, not only makes you happy, but it makes those around you happier as well.
I love podcasts just as much as the next woman. After all, I have one. I think they can play an integral part in shaping our perspective for the better. However, it is possible to become overstimulated by background noise since podcasts and music streaming services are always available.
Anxiety, panic, nervousness, distraction and overwhelm can all result from auditory stimulation. When you begin to feel stressed, start to quiet your space. You’ll find that the more you turn off the podcasts and everything else you’re listening to, you’ll discover that you can, once again, enjoy a sense of calm that helps you to refocus.
Support groups help you discover the opportunity to grow beyond your pain. They also help you prioritize your development. When you surround yourself with those who have been in your shoes before, you’ll refocus on what is possible for you. You are not alone. Healing is possible.
People are people, and no matter how much we try to protect ourselves from being hurt, at some point, we are going to be hurt anyway. If we wrap ourselves up in bubble wrap and hide in a closet, we might not get hurt, but we will be miserable and lonely. If people hurt you, forgive them and let yourself love anyway.
Find the three people who have earned your trust and whose own lives bear good fruit, then let those people become your trusted advisors.
A key to being happier in life is to make the decision to assume that the people around you have good intentions, they are operating to the best of their ability, and they mean you no harm. When you decide to err on the side of assuming others have good motives, you protect yourself from living with a negative mindset.
You know your life better than anyone else. You know what you can handle, what you have time for, and what types of things push your buttons. Setting your boundaries allows you to be in control of what you say yes to. I defend my boundaries with humor and humility most days, and in doing so, I feel stronger and happier.
I heard a pop psychologist on TV say, “Wake up every morning and ask yourself how you can make someone else’s day better.” The truth is, when we serve others, our family, our friends, our coworkers, the stranger whose cup of coffee we buy, we are happier people (and so are the people around us). Imagine if we all asked ourselves this question every day and then acted on it.
Just because we feel something, doesn’t necessarily make it true. Some days, when I’m overly tired, and I’m facing battle after battle professionally, I feel like everything’s terrible. It’s a valid feeling. But just because I feel like everything is terrible doesn’t mean it is.
If we wait to send that fiery email reply, or that negative social media comment, or that mad emoji-filled text until we have stepped back and looked at things a bit more objectively (with fresh eyes), we can often see that things weren’t quite as bad as we thought.
If you’ve ever eyed an adult coloring book in the aisle at Hobby Lobby and wondered if you’ll get funny looks by purchasing one, I am here to tell you, you won’t. In fact, you may get nods of approval. After all, the world finally understands how kindergarten teachers stay in the profession for so long.
Coloring can relax your brain, reduce anxiety, improve your focus, help you sleep better, and add new artwork to your fridge just in case your kids are no longer interested in coloring themselves. Okay, the last one might have been a stretch, even for the mamas who miss the early elementary days. Nonetheless, with all those benefits, it’s worth the risk of looking childish when you add a coloring book to the basket.
If you’ve listened to my podcast, you know I love cosmetics and self care just as much as the next woman. Just in case, you’re out of the loop, I give a recommendation for a movie and a cosmetic you should try at the end of just about every show. I think feeling beautiful is important, but that requires so much more than fancy lipstick. It requires us to do the deep, internal work.
One of the best investments I’ve ever made is to get counseling, and it’s more convenient than ever to find a quality therapist who can help you navigate the pressures of daily life. There are lots of apps to help you get the help you need without the inconvenience of leaving your office or home. You owe it to your family, your business, and, most importantly, yourself to get help. Splurge a little.
Have you ever found a $10 bill in the pocket of the jacket when you put it on? Didn’t that make you so happy? I intentionally try to leave myself little surprises all the time. Sometimes it’s money in the bottom of a purse I’m putting on the shelf until next season. Sometimes it’s a sweet drawing from one of my little kids in the pocket of a suitcase.
With my full life, it’s not difficult to forget they are there, so when I find them, voila! Instant happy!
Isn’t it funny how many of the things we are supposed to do to make us happy are all things our moms told us to do our whole lives? Turns out, research backs up our mom’s wisdom.
Research shows that getting exercise improves your happiness, your health, and your life. Whether it’s going outside for a walk and getting some fresh air, or using something as simple as the seven-minute workout app on your phone, moving your body will always make you happier.
We use language and phrases about ourselves that would be completely unacceptable for us to say to anyone else. Make a rule, starting today that you will talk to and about yourself the same way you would talk to and about your dearest friend. Doing this is one of the most important key ways to be happy every day.
What many of us already know by experience has been proven by research. People of faith are much happier and find more sustained happiness in life. Start dedicating a little more time for prayer today!
When we intentionally choose to spend time with those who are supportive, positive, and encouraging, we acquire a positive mindset and are happier. When we find ourselves surrounded by people who are negative, critical, and hurtful, it steals our happiness and our joy.
Allow yourself to be the person you were created to be, and surround yourself with those who love you for who you really are. Scientists have studied those at the end of their lives, the most comment regret is, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
From the time you take your first wobbly steps as a toddler, and all the way to adulthood, you will fail as a natural part of learning. Learning to see your failures as steps along the path to success will change how you view your failures and how you live your life.
I believe God plants dreams in us just like he gives us certain talents and gifts. If you have a dream that just won’t go away, and that dream will in some way make the world a better place, start making plans to achieve it. Write out exactly what your vision is, and find people who can help you achieve it.
I’ve never met a woman who didn’t need help, and I’m not sure that I want to. The very thought sounds scary. Asking for help can be intimidating, but once you do, you’ll find that your relationships become richer. In addition to that you’ll learn how important it is to release the feeling that you have to have it all together. That pressure can build up and pull you down so let it go and find some freedom by asking for help.
Community groups and clubs are fun ways to find people who will help you make choices that honor your values. Everybody benefits from having a cheerleader in their life and those you meet will serve as, both, cheerleaders and accountability partners to help you move forward. You’ll even find it’s a lot easier to step out on faith and try something new when your community shows that they’re committed to seeing you do well.
There’s so much to say about this one, I wrote about escaping the comparison trap here. Check it out but don’t forget to come back and finish the list and sign up for your weekly prompts!
We’ve all heard this concept in business. Finding win-win solutions in every relationship will strengthen and protect your friendships and your family relationships. Learning to compromise and truly working to reach the best possible decision for everyone involved leaves everyone feeling happier and less stressed.
Life is too short to do things you hate (mostly). There are so many ways to automate the little things in life that seem to suck the life out of you. For me, online bill paying, shopping for almost everything via Amazon Prime, and online grocery shopping are some of the best inventions of the 21st century.
If you haven’t discovered the joy that is Amazon Prime (free fast shipping, unlimited photo storage and more) Click here to sign up for a free 30-day trial.
I started thinking about getting healthier, and pretty soon I was planning how to grow my own non-GMO wheat in the backyard and bake my own bread. I had to reel myself back in and focus on one actual change!
Instead of drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper every day (I know, I know, I’m going to grow a tail from the artificial sweetener!), I just allow myself one as a treat when I go to the movies. Baby-steps without the backyard wheat plans!
Don’t try to change everything all at once. You’ll feel much more accomplished and more likely to set and reach other goals.
No-one wants to be a needy friend. However, your friendships are supposed to enrich your lives. Spending time with your friends can help to lift your mood and help you find reasons to laugh and enjoy simple pleasures together.
However, if that time is negative or nonexistent, it will only exacerbate the issues you may be struggling with. Start to reevaluate your friendships regularly. Think about how you feel when you’re with them and what emotion lingers after you’ve left one another’s presence. It’s okay to acknowledge you may have outgrown those whom you once considered close.
When was the last time you celebrated yourself? Many people fail to acknowledge the little milestones they’ve accomplished that have contributed to their success, and it can create larger problems. Give yourself your own Wikipedia page or recreate a new resume for yourself to document your strengths. When you do, choose to celebrate yourself like you would a friend.
When we carry around hurt and anger, it festers and grows into a spirit of bitterness and offense. When our hearts become bitter and offended we live life wounded and see every interaction through the lens of that pain.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the betrayal is okay. It doesn’t mean what the person did to you is okay. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself, not a release of guilt to the offender. It sets you free from the weight of carrying around all that hurt and anger.
Some people are emotional black holes. They just can’t get enough praise, attention, control, or love. They often start out very charming when you first meet, but over time you realize your interactions with this person are negative and more harmful than beneficial.
As my Grandma used to say, ”Don’t let sick people make you sick.” Let go of unhealthy relationships so you can enjoy life.
(Yes, I’m putting this right after “Let go of toxic relationships” for a reason.) Sometimes, after we have ended a painful relationship, we close ourselves off and don’t want to risk going through the pain again.
Research shows that the quality of our relationships is the most significant factor in our overall happiness during our lifetime. It’s worth it to find and invest in great relationships.
This concept is applicable to so many things in life, but specifically for this example, I want to focus on relationships. Study after study has shown that the biggest predictor of happiness in our lives is the quality of our relationships.
It’s key to invest our limited time and emotional energy and the people who we love the most. What you nourish will flourish.
Always believing others are at fault for the negative things that happen in your life can become a habit. It’s called having a victim mentality and is a very negative mindset, with very negative and isolating results.
It can often take a professional counselor to train someone how “not” to view themselves as a victim. Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it, and practice #1 to daily change your perspective.
Regardless of what you need, there is enough for you. You just have to believe it. You have to trust that there is room for you and your gifts in the world.
When you cultivate an abundance mindset, you’ll find the freedom to move forward. Recognize that your experience and expertise will further enrich the conversation that’s already circulating. To cultivate an abundance mindset, you’ll need to move beyond victimhood, practice self-care, and avoid self-sabotaging behaviors by taking control of your schedule. This article on how to stop self-sabotage will help you get off the hamster wheel of self-sabotage.
When I tuck my younger children in bed at night, I ask them, “What three things made you happy today that you’re grateful for?” It’s a simple, low-pressure question but it’s my way to instill the discipline of gratitude to my children.
Identifying three things that we’re grateful for at the end of every day is a simple way to reduce anxiety, increase happiness, and set the tone for a great day tomorrow.
Success is God’s department. Faithfulness is our department. To me, success is being faithful to take care of the things God has entrusted to me; namely my husband, my children, my family, my calling, and the precious friends He has given me for this lifetime. Fame and fortune aren’t the real indicators of my success. How well I love and am loved is.
Did you know that a four-leaf clover is imperfect? It’s a mutation of sorts. And yet, when we find one, we believe we have found something special. That is the best example I can give you of noticing the perfect even in the imperfect.
When one of my sons writes a sweet note, I don’t criticize the misspelled words, I treasure that his words are on paper. When my mom comes to visit, I don’t complain that her plane arrives at 10 p.m.; I celebrate that she’s there! With practice, noticing the perfect even in the imperfect helps us celebrate the good things in our lives.
It’s easy to focus on how much work we have to do and how far away our big goal is, but it’s equally important is to celebrate how far we’ve come. Taking time to celebrate our progress, even if we are celebrating baby steps, keeps us feeling accomplished and not overwhelmed.
My granddaddy used to say, “Don’t sit, soak, and sour, girl. Get up.” Doing something we love that requires us to move a little is great for our brain and our happiness level.
Take up photography (“Hello brilliant iPhone camera!”), plant an herb garden, learn archery, become an expert in dolphin mating habits. I don’t care what you do, find something that you love and run with it!
Medical doctors and psychologists, alike, recommend mindfulness. There are direct connections to a decrease in depression and anxiety when people begin to practice it consistently. Although there are multiple apps that help you to practice mindfulness, it can be tempting to check your texts when you pick your phone up.
In the moments when you need to unplug, sit and focus on your senses for five minute increments throughout the day. What do you hear? What do you see, taste, smell, and touch? Getting in touch with your senses will help you to become more aware of how you’re feeling and what your body may be trying to tell you.
Breath work is a form of mindfulness. Focus on your breathing when you feel your heart rate increasing. It will help to take your mind off of your immediate reaction so you can show up as the person you want to be. Choosing to participate in breath work will help you feel more grounded in the moment and focus on what is in front of you. It will also help the overwhelm fade into the background.
I’m preaching to myself this one. I tend to work way too many hours on my laptop and forget that there’s even an outside world. The research shows that just a few minutes out in nature boosts your mood, increases happiness, and reduces stress.
Have you ever listened to someone complain and thought to yourself, “This is so helpful. I always feel so uplifted when I hear people complain?” Of course not. It has a negative effect on you and everyone else who is listening (including the complainer).
Make the decision today to complain less and compliment more and be happier instantly.
On any given day, there are a gazillion things I could worry about. Identifying real concerns (not perceived ones) and then releasing what is out of my control, keeps me from being overcome by fear.
Have you ever just made the decision to be happier? Most people haven’t. But it’s much easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than it is to think yourself into a new way of acting.
You can tell yourself you are going to learn how to ice skate. You can read all the books, watch all the videos, even buy yourself a fancy pair of skates. But until you strap them on and actually start skating, you aren’t going to be a skater!
Telling yourself you are going to be happier doesn’t work. You have to take actions that will actually make you happier.
There’s nothing like a good volunteer gig to help you get out of your own head. Volunteering is known to combat depression, and act as a way that people can join new groups and spend time with others who will benefit from your expertise. You might be surprised by how it can take your mind off of your issues and restore a sense of purpose to your life.
When was the last time you put a baby goat on your back? Maybe you should do it more often. Scientific studies show that pets and therapy animals can help alleviate stress, anxiety, depression, and feelings of loneliness and social isolation.
According to Mental health America, 74% of pet owners reported mental health improvements from pet ownership, and 75% of pet owners reported a friend’s or family member’s mental health improved because of the pets in their lives.
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The imposter syndrome is a common and well-documented phenomenon. It’s even more common among professionals, entrepreneurs, and high achieving individuals. In short, it means in any situation you feel like you don’t really belong, that you’re a fraud, and eventually everyone will notice and realize that you have no idea what you’re doing.
The key to getting rid of the imposter syndrome is to simply be aware because when you know it’s there, you can take away its power to affect you.
My whole life and business changed when I decided to get serious about spending my time and my money to get the skills and wisdom I needed to move forward with my dreams for my business. What dreams do you have that you could take steps this week to achieve?
Again I’m totally preaching to myself here! It is so important to focus on what you can learn from others instead of assuming that you know everything. When you learn something new, it makes you feel accomplished and successful. Leaders are learners.
Be proactive when you realize that your schedule may have more demands than usual. Carve out some time to look at your plan and the consistent demands you face every week. After you do, set realistic goals to help you feel accomplished every night.
Realistic goals are not synonymous with easy, but they are synonymous with SMART. SMART goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, within reach, and timely are realistic. Realistic goals are relevant to your life, and they don’t require you to keep up with anyone else.
I see this all the time with people who dream of starting their own business, writing a book, or launching a ministry or nonprofit. Instead of taking the course they need, hiring the coach or advisor they need, or working step-by-step to get from point A to point B, they self-sabotaged by saying things like, “Oh maybe I’m not ready.” Or, “It all feels too overwhelming right now, maybe I’ll do it one day.” The problem is, “one day” rarely ever comes.
By deciding that your dreams and goals are worth it, and moving forward even when it feels scary or uncomfortable, that’s how you avoid self-sabotage.
My husband and I have five kids, which means I’m keeping up with information about seven humans, not including all of the data and information from my business, research for upcoming books, and little things like flight schedules and vacation planning.
That’s just way too much to keep organized in my brain.
Nothing stresses me out more and steals my joy more than being overwhelmed and worrying I will forget something. That’s why I use an app called Evernote as my second brain. I wrote an article on 10 ways to use Evernote here.
Your emotional health will be impacted by your stress levels. That’s why you need established periods of rest to get away from work and the other demands of life. Leisure supports your ability to attend to your own self-care, and it will serve as a reminder that you are a priority amidst all of the other action items on your agenda.
Leisure can increase your creativity and allow for more flexibility should you experience a delay from someone or something. Overall, incorporating time for leisure into your schedule will improve your quality of life.
Making choices that don’t align with your core values will always leave you feeling discontent. This is as important in your personal life as it is in business.
There have been many times through the years where a company has wanted to hire me as an advisor, or an individual entrepreneur has wanted to hire me for coaching, but I couldn’t make peace with the product or the service they were selling.
Yes, the money was great, but we all know money doesn’t make you happy. Saying no was the best choice for my own personal happiness. Living life in a way that doesn’t align with your values and beliefs never leads to happiness.
Ever met someone who tells you often how much they hate drama, yet they always seem to be in the middle of it? Some people just simply thrive on drama while never realizing they are the cause of it.
Developing a zero tolerance policy for drama will greatly reduce the stress in your own life because you won’t be sucked into other people’s crazy.
Gratitude helps people feel more positive and build better, longer lasting connections. When you begin to write a thank you note a day to one family member, coworker, or employee, you’ll see your mood shift. The best part of all is that you’ll see the culture of your home or work improve significantly as well. That’s time worth spending.
In Breaking Busy, I shared a detailed five-step decision-making framework, designed to help you make decisions you won’t regret later! If you haven’t yet read Breaking Busy, I would love for you to go through the free Breaking Busy course here.
All of us are unique, but we all have one thing in common- there is something about our looks or our body that we don’t like. But here’s the truth- No one, and I mean no one is out there preoccupied with your appearance and judging your looks. I promise.
Challenge yourself to give up hating on your appearance for one week and see how life changing it is!
This one is relatively self-explanatory. Get some rest people! You would think the easiest of the 10 commandments to follow would be to take a Sabbath, but most of us don’t do it. Allowing yourself to rest reduces anxiety, increases happiness, and protects your body from illness.
Water has natural calming properties, and the best part of all is that you don’t have to be at a beach to access them. You can drink a bottle of water and instantly feel calmer when you do. In a 2018 study that Healthline conducted, of over 3,000 adults, those who drank more water had a lower risk of anxiety and depression than those who drank less water. Grab that water.
According to Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (not the Dirty Dancing that was first released in 1987), “Dancing is about being exactly who you want to be in that moment.” Dance is a great way to release emotion, tension, and express what you’re feeling in the moment.
You can enjoy the spontaneity of it or you can head to your local gym and follow an instructor. Whatever your choice, just know that dance has been linked to a decrease in depression and an increase in empathy, two qualities that help make us healthier, for sure.
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