Understanding What Forgiveness Is: Start Your Courageous Journey Toward Freedom

Today, I want to delve into a challenging but worthwhile topic that resonates deeply with many of us: forgiveness.

It’s one of those concepts that we’ve heard about countless times, but understanding what forgiveness is, especially in the context of our faith and everyday lives, can sometimes be a challenge.

Whether it’s forgiving a friend who betrayed us, a family member who hurt us, or even ourselves for past mistakes, forgiveness plays a pivotal role in our spiritual and emotional well-being.

Why should you make the effort?

Maybe you’re thinking, Pump the brakes, Alli. I know I should want to forgive, but I’m not so sure that it’s worth it. Seems like a lot of work.

Let me be the first to deliver some hard facts:

1. Forgiveness is hard work.
2. It can’t be done overnight. 
3. But it is worth it.

To live is to forgive. 

I know that may seem like a sweeping statement, but I mean it. If you’re not forgiving, you’re not really living because a life of unforgiveness only has the power to keep you tied to your pain.

But a life of forgiveness? It is the pavement on the roadway to freedom and healing. 

I think we can all agree that forgiving is the better option, but I think there’s a gap between knowing something is a good idea and it actually becoming a way of life. Let me help bridge that gap.

What Forgiveness Is: A Biblical Perspective

Let’s start by anchoring ourselves in the Word. The Bible speaks extensively about forgiveness, emphasizing its transformative power and its central role in our relationship with God and others.

The Apostle Paul urged the church at Ephesus to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). 

This verse sums up the essence of what forgiveness is: a reflection of God’s grace extended to us, which we are called to extend to others.

And it’s not easy. 

Because your pain is real. Your feelings of betrayal and injustice are true.

But this verse helps me gain traction when I have a white-knuckle grip on bitterness and resentment. Jesus forgave me first, and I most certainly did not deserve it.

The God of the universe, in His perfection, gave me the gift of forgiveness for everything I’ve done wrong. When I keep that reality in the forefront of my mind, somehow, taking the step to extend forgiveness to others seems possible.

Forgiveness in Practice: What Does It Look Like?

Forgiveness frees us from bitterness and resentment. It’s not about excusing someone’s actions but releasing the hold those actions have on you.

Forgiveness is a deliberate choice to let go of negative emotions and entrust justice to God. 

But for many of us, the concept of forgiveness can feel abstract until we see it lived out. 

One of the most incredible stories of forgiveness in action is the story of Corrie ten Boom in her memoir, The Hiding Place. After years in a concentration camp in Germany experiencing abuse and brutality, Corrie ten Boom spoke openly about the need to forgive. After one of her talks, she was approached by a man who she quickly recognized as one of the most cruel guards from the concentration camp. 

He reached out his hand and asked for her forgiveness, and it was at that very moment that Corrie recognized that it wasn’t enough to know that forgiveness was the right choice. She had to act on it.

Even though she initially hesitated, she bravely shook his hand in an act of forgiveness, releasing her offender, yes. But even more, releasing herself from the burden of hatred and resentment.

Steps to Forgiveness

Practically speaking, forgiveness involves several key steps:

1. Acknowledging the Hurt: Recognizing the pain caused by someone’s actions is the first step toward forgiveness. It’s okay to admit that you’ve been hurt deeply.
2. Choosing to Forgive: Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. It’s a deliberate choice to release the offender from their debt toward you.
3. Letting Go of Resentment: This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt. Instead, it means releasing the bitterness and anger that can poison our hearts.

These practical steps remind me of a conversation I had with my friend Phil Waldrep. In it, he shares sage wisdom drawn from decades of experience of hurt and betrayal.

When you listen to his story, you realize he knows a thing or two about the ways life can take a painful turn, but I think he has some brilliant insights into a life of forgiveness. Plus, he’s like your favorite wise uncle who can gently teach and encourage you. We can all use one of those!

Forgiveness is a Journey

What forgiveness is extends beyond a mere act of letting go. Forgiveness is not a destination; it’s a journey toward healing and restoration.

Psychology professor Everett Worthington created exercises to help you explore your feelings and learn forgiveness in just two hours, and his last step is this: 

Hold onto the forgiveness. You will doubtless remember the injustice and your angry feelings. Remind yourself that you have made the choice to forgive. 

Forgiveness is something only you can do for yourself. It is a gift, a way to be released from bondage and to move forward with your life.

Even more, I think it’s key to living a happier life!

Forgiveness Toward Ourselves: A Vital Component

Usually, when we think of forgiveness it is in terms of forgiving others, but what if the one you need to forgive is yourself? You have to be willing to take everything you just learned about forgiveness and turn it inward. 

Why is that so hard?

I’m not exactly sure, but I think it has something to do with how well we know ourselves. We know every unkind thought we have, hear every harsh word we say, and remember every selfish choice that we make. We can’t exactly get away from ourselves, which means we intimately know our own faults. 

And there’s nothing quite like the mom guilt you feel after yelling at one of your kids. I know, friend. I’ve been there.

Whether it’s anger, perfectionism, offense, or something entirely different, I’ve got a list of prayers you can use as a quick reference to lead yourself toward forgiveness and, ultimately, toward freedom. 

The Transformative Power of Forgiveness

The act of forgiveness holds transformative power. It can heal emotional wounds, restore relationships, and bring inner peace. Forgiveness is an act of courage and strength. It will make you a more resilient wife, mom, and friend. 

And that’s just the beginning.

Forgiveness has the power to influence those around us. By choosing to forgive, you can set an example for others, fostering a culture of empathy and understanding in your home.

It positions you as a compassionate leader and a connector of people in your life, where others are more likely to extend grace and kindness to one another just because of your courage to lead the way.

Isn’t that an exciting thought? Your choice to release others from the debt they owe, you can actually give permission to them to do the same! Forgiveness is the mark of a humble and mature leader.

Embracing Forgiveness with Fierce Faith

If you are ready to set out on a journey of forgiveness and cultivate a fierce and resilient faith, I wrote a book just for you called Fierce Faith. This book will inspire you and provide you with the tools and encouragement you need to face your fears, embrace forgiveness, and live a life filled with grace and strength. In these pages, you will discover the transformative power of forgiveness and unwavering faith.

I know all about the ways women can be hard on themselves. In this book, I share my own fears and struggles with as much humor and honesty as possible because you deserve it. No hiding or pretending over here—just real strategies, biblical truths, and woman-to-woman encouragement for coping with life’s big fears and little, everyday worries.

Sometimes Jesus’ call to “fear not” seems like the hardest instruction to follow. Some days you faultlessly juggle everything that is your life—kids, husband, house, job, church, friendships, school, pets, appointments, and on and on. Other days the very thought of which ball you’re going to drop makes your anxiety level unmanageable. 

Your Action Step

You’re afraid you’re forgetting something. And you are: God’s advice to fear not. In Fierce Faith, I use biblical wisdom and practical insight to help you:

• Identify fear-based thinking.
• Overcome the big and little worries in life.
• Learn a simple trick to stop the anxiety spiral.
• Live a more confident, less worried life.

Let’s grab a cup of coffee and relax for a moment as I encourage you, friend-to-friend. I’m like the big sister you never had, and I know my no-nonsense, wise advice will lighten your heart and help you cut through the daily clutter of fear and worry to reconnect with your own fierce faith.